I use to think that i was a very open person. I thought that i'd prefer sharing my problems instead of keeping them all inside whenever i'm going through a rough patch. I dont anymore.
I'm not sure if this is really who i've been all this time or maybe i'm just becoming more and more reserve as life passes me by. I say life because it just seems as though the more challenges life throws at me the more i harden the shell around me, making it stronger then it was before - more impenetrable until even my friends cant break through.
I know of someone whom u could call the strong silent type and we were pretty close once.
I remember asking him before 'Dont you ever grow tired of keeping everything to yourself?'.
'Whats the use of telling? I dont want to trouble others with what i'm going through so i just put on this happy mask'. That was his response.
I didnt agree with him at that time...but somewhere along the line i've become that person. I've become the person that refuses to let people in so easily anymore. Afraid that if they do, they'll see the insecurities in me, the fear and the uncertainty. Even the bf is kept at bay sometimes when i'm at my most vulnerable. I guess its always easier to let people see the happier side.
I know that i need to be strong. To be the dependable one for the ones i care and love because there is no where else to look. So i try to bottle things up inside, hoping that if no one see's my troubles they would assume that everything is alright and maybe, just maybe i could convince myself that everything really is alright too. But sometimes the dam breaks. Alittle crack here and there, and sudddenly the pressure becomes too much and everything comes out. Suddenly it seems that the weight of the whole world rests upon your shoulder and you dont know where to turn to. That one day was today.
But dont ask me if i'm fine, because i'll say yes. Dont push me to tell, because i'll just smile. Just know that inside is a raging river that i'm trying to tame. So if i sound distant somedays, if i seem distracted with something, just know that i'm working things out internally and give me time. This boy is a work-in-progress slowly adapting to the life of adulthood. Hopefully everything will turn out alright in the end.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Maybe you can try this simple activity, which I did before.
Ask Al to stand behind you but not too far away, close enough to catch you when you fall backward. Before you do it, release your mind & trust your partner. (Preferably do it on soft ground, safe practice).
A partner is like a pillar of strength where you could lean on in times of need. Be prudent to choose the people you trust & don’t be disheartened by people who had hurt you in the past.
It's a wonderful feeling to know someone will catch you when you fall. In our walk of life, inevitably we will fall down a few times along the way. What matter most is to stand up & continue the journey :)
Zsa Zsa Gabor once said "To be loved is a strength. To love is a weakness."
In short Love is a reciprocal process :) cheers
Becoming an adult sucks. And people change after that. Inevitable. Have to get used to it to survive. You'll be doing fine, like most people do.
You're becoming old...that's the phase you're going through. I, personally would not mind listening to your shit. I find it interesting and somewhat amusing because what you usually think too much about is so trivial. You might think it's a big deal but it's not.
It's not.
You're too much of a thinker. Should be more like me. DRINK ... and DRINK ... and DRINK... and fuck (you dont have any troubles with that now eh!) and DRINK SUMMORE!
Fuck problems.
I am a very open person and my feelings are never bottled up. It's very tiring to keep everything inside with no outlet to release. Might as well be a robot, right?
Anyway, I have always thought like this and still do. Hopefully, i would never need to bottle my feelings up, which is when a bf comes in handy.
Being adult is not difficult. LIFE is.
jl:hei thanks again, u always give great advice lol...think i've tried that falling/catching exercise before, it was fun. lets hope with all that gym ad wont drop me...anymore...just kidding. yeah he's really my piller.
leggie:i really cant imagine myself changing just yet. ask anyone n u'll find out i'm still as childish as i was before. i really hope i dont lose that part of me...although i feel it happening already sigh.
mt:hahaha not as much as u're having apparently lol seriously mich if barry ever finds ur other blog...deng deng deng
come back fast la n we drink together. lets try playing mahjong while drunk lololol chaos!
derek:yeah i used to be like that...dunno where that went. but i'm not really at a critical stage yet la so still ok. to be honest, i cant wait to experience life actually. I know its gonna be tough but...i have a feeling its gonna be fun too.
That's why I dont tell him lar. I dont mind my friends knowing y'know. I doubt they'll betray me. I like to believe i have good friends in Msia ahhaha. And unknowns can read it too if they like. I'm not too secretive like YOU hahaha.
Yeah Drunk MJ would be great. Any stupid move chien makes that gives us money we'll drink hahah. And trust me, that's alot.
Everytime chien asks a question we'll drink. And that's alot.
hahaha.
Post a Comment