it's been a good journey.

and like all good journeys, this one might come to its end.

too much tears have fallen.

i dont know how this will end.

and i'm just so tired.

FUCKED AGAIN AND AGAIN

Just when i thought the worst was over, the wind blows and brings me a new storm.

Sometimes i dont know if God sits up there on his throne and deals out turmoil on peoples life just for the fun of it. Sure seems that way to me. I pray for safe journey and thank him for his grace, but he says 'Oh no child, thats just the calm before the storm. Wait till you see what i have in store for you' and snickers.

And i hate it that my holiday is now ruined.

The break i've been looking for in ages has now turned into a warfield once again, and i feel just like a little boat drifting out at sea with an impending doom. I hate what they did to me. They had no rights! Fuck!

Sry if i dont reply ur msg on sms or msn, i've lost all mood for socializing. I wouldnt be much fun anyway.


A lifetime of pain all brought up in an instance
A lifetime of healing all ripped from the seams
A lifetime of thinking all has to be undone
A lifetime of suffering all imminent


FUCK THIS SHIT!

Its Over!

And with that he takes a great leap across the finish line.

The tortures finally over. And my 4 month holiday starts today!

WEEEEEEEE!

I'm so tired right now, my eyes keep closing but i cant sleep. Wanted to get a haircut after exam then take a nap but my hairstylist will only be free at 5pm so i have to wait. Sigh.

K will probably post more later. Brain juice depleted!

Ta

The Final Hurdle

just a little bit more

hope i dont trip at the end

that would be an embarrassment

Captain Procrastinator

Sometimes i hate myself so much

I Have Weird Friends

[Cy] : last nite i had sucha weird dream
[Cy] : like mega weird

kev : what was it about?

[Cy] : i dreamt i was someone else last nite
[Cy] : and i went to the toilet
[Cy] : and shit so damn much
[Cy] : it started accumulating til overflow
[Cy] : the floor all got
[Cy] : my feet was covered with shit!

kev : WTF!

[Cy] : then i somehow kicked all the shit off the toilet floor into the bowl and the floor was damn clean! and my shoes were damn clean also
[Cy] : then i went out
[Cy] : got other stuff but i forgot. but i think someone went into the toilet after that hahahaha and complained abt someone shitting
[Cy] : HAHAHAHAHA


Tell me i'm wrong

-.-

A Breath of Relief

Phewww!

Finally, two papers down. I cant describe just how relieved i am. After a month of seclusion with a daily routine of only two things, study and eat (ok la plus tv and internet too :P), i cant say i'm absolutely pleased with how things went for the two papers but i'm contented. Now its up to fate, luck and God, take your pick.

But as always, the worst is still yet to come. Monday will be my final and toughest paper this semester and i'm absolutely shitting my pants thinking about it. A combination of two subjects into one 3 hour long paper, add one rubbish lecturer and another fucking strict one, and you've got yourself one hell of a time. Literally.

_________________________

My friends dont believe me when i tell them i'm at home.
They call me on fridays and ask me to come out, and when i'm staying home to study....they laugh!

-.-

Dont blame them tho. Tried thinking back to the last time i was at home on a friday night and...nope cant even remember when. Theres just something about fridays that makes you wanna go out and just do something different besides the usual stuff.

The one thing i'm craving the most now is MAHJONG. I have to admit that the hands been getting pretty itchy lately and i cant wait to just play the game whole night long then go out for dim sum breakfast in the morning. Yes yes...i'm becoming such a tai tai.

_______________________

Tried working out today and man, my stamina is gone. Zilch. Nada. Couldnt do the weights i usually do! Couldnt last for more then 3 reps! Thank god i can still last on the cycle machine albeit looking alil zombified by the end of it. This is why i dont wanna join FF, Cali or any other big gyms. I dont get it how some people can run for half hour and still step off looking like a million bucks. NO FAIR!

________________________

Thats it for today. If you've read till here, you've just wasted like 5 minutes of your time with my ramblings. And i probably hate you for actually having time to waste! :P

Relax take it easy

5 Minute Quikie

I shouldnt be doing this, not when exams are just a day away. But i'm so bored i could die. So its either this or well...die. And i'll rather prefer not to die seeing i've missed so much this whole month just preparing for my impending doom (unlike some lucky person whose exams got deferred to a later date! *evil stare).

Been thinking of changing my blog site to either livejournal or xanga because blogspot is so damn slow to log in. Takes up like 5 minutes of my very very very precious time just to get to the sign in page, then another 5 minutes to view the dashboard, AND another 5 minutes to create a new post! Grrr...thats like 15 minutes of my life wasted just waiting. Cant decide tho between livejournal or xanga. But i probably wont change until i have time to learn some webdesigning skills. Cant stand the layouts of both those mentioned sites. So void of erm...personality.

And yes, once again i've been planning my things to do ALREADY for when the holidays come. Dont wanna miss out on doing anything due to poor planning :P So far theres 4 trips booked but the one i'm looking forward most is Bali.

Weeee.......

Cant wait to just chill out and relax once i get there. Not to mention shopping! Can anybody tell me if i can get nice singlets there? Or do i have to get them here before i leave. I plan to be a proper tourist! *giggles*

Bad thing is i'll be going with the parents. Ok so not exactly bad cos they ARE paying for my trip, but i guess no clubbing or drinking or checking out the local gay clubs there this time around. I guess getting hammered will have to wait for when i go to PD. Oh and this time i am so gonna have myself a proper spa experience! I'm so glad my mum brought it up because i told her i'm gonna tag along and thats final. Lol.

Oh man...rejuvenate before regurgitate O.o

Not forgetting my beloved clubs too! How i've missed the sweet sweet beat of trance, the ear shattering boom of bass and the sights of sweaty men. The bf is so gonna pengsan if he ever reads this! He's a protective guy, that bf is. Even suggested that i only go clubbing with him. I just told him that he'd better keep most of his weekends free then :P But i love him to bits!

Well i planned to go on about how sweet he is and all that lovey dovey stuff but i shall not cause any excessive sweet post induced diabetic attacks for today. Besides, its time to get back to the boring stuff again.

Sigh!!!

If only i was Hiro! I could just speed up time at my whim. Ok maybe i cant speed up time yet cos i'm not prepared. Slow it down? Shit i cant stand an additional day of this mental torture. Damnit no wonder i dont have superpowers! I wouldnt be able to use it at all!

Terbaik Untukmu

Aku sadar kalau kini
Kita sudah smakin menjauh
Sempat aku berpikir ini
Kau yg menginginkannya
Lepas dari pelukku

oh kini aku sadari
ini salahku
tak ingin ku terlambat dan sesali

maafkanlah bila ku selalu
membuatmu marah dan benci padaku
ku lakukan itu semua
hanya tuk buatmu bahagia

mungkin ku cuma tak bisa pahami
bagaimana cara tunjukkan maksudku
aku cuma ingin jadi terbaik untukmu

Aku ingin kau tetap di sini bersamaku
Jangan Pergi
Berikan satu kesempatan
Untuk ku membuktikan
sesungguhnya cintaku

~Tangga - Terbaik Untukmu~

Bleh

"with simple words i pray
that this day will quickly pass away"

Kev is bored, uninspired and frustrated!

Sexual Tension

Everybody's preparing for the biggest party of the year.

2 Major Events!

4 Days of dancing!

A thousand sweaty men!

...and i'm gonna be stuck at home studying :'(

Relationship

Read quite a few post on 'gay' relationship recently (or maybe its already so last year, whatever la), so here's my two cents worth.

Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say
I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think
When I let it sink in
It's all over me
I'm lying here in the dark
I'm watching you sleep, it hurts a lot
& all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

All I wanted was to know I'm safe
Don't want to lose the love I've found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don't let me down
It's not fair how you are
I can't be complete, can you give me more?
& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

~Gwen Stefani - 4 In the morning~

OK so its not exactly MY two cents worth, its Gwens. But read the lyrics carefully and you'll see that she's got it right. Relationships take work. In order for it to work two people has to actually want it and give it their all if they really want it to last.

Personally, i dont see what the big deal is about gay or straight relationships or how they differ from each other. As has been debated long and hard by others, straights have exactly the same problems that we have. Maybe the only difference is that we're already cursed with a stereotype - and that is all gays fool around. Maybe that's an excuse we give ourselves whenever we succumb to temptation. I have to admit that is the biggest flaw we have. I can understand how some people would use this to console themselves.

However its not so much the temptation as it is the act itself that matters. Not many guys are willing to give up a hot fuck. I mean lets get real, we're all a bunch of superficial twats. Who in they're right mind would pass a chance to sleep with that 6' 2 hunk with dreamy eyes and abs so chiseled you could sharpen a knife with? The mind instantly starts weighing the pros and cons of cheating. In the end, i assume most would come to the conclusion 'Its a chance of a lifetime! Seize it!'. Ta-da, ladies and gentlemen you've got yourself a scandalous affair.

Someone once said, relationship is more then just that lovely feeling. Yes boys and girls, in my opinion it take more work then love to make a relationship work. More so when you frequent clubs filled with pumping testosterone all fired up and on a mission. Dont for a second think that the guy eyeing you gives a fuck if you're attached. Its your duty to think about that, not him.

Its only when one is willing to give up a quickie with that Greek God, only then are you commited to the relationship. Stop thinking about the missed chances and just put faith in what you already have. Dont think about the regrets that you might have later, if say the relationship fails. And most of all, stop living by the motto 'Life's all about fun!'. Lets see how fun it is when you're 40 and saggy and all alone, and the only boys that are willing to hang out with you are rent boys.

As for myself, i decided a long time ago to first determine what i want. If its sex with beautiful random strangers then by all means go ahead, but do it single. I dont see the point in getting into a relationship and then sleeping around with other people and creating super sized dramas. Seriously, its too much hassle.

Ok so thats my take on relationships. This post was done in 30 minutes so pls dont shoot me down too much in your comments! lol

Random Random Random

One can usually tell the transition period. Notice how my blog was full of post the last few weeks and then *poof* nothing? Well thats because i've finally completed all required assignments and my eyes were hurting so bad by the end of it that i didnt really feel like staring into the computer anymore then i needed to. Oh and i have all my notes on printed papers this time around too so i dont have to depend on my com.

And can somebody pls tell me how on earth do I ( <--- notice bold letter!) write a letter of recommendation for MYSELF!?!?!

Yes!!! You see the connection?!

Wrote to my lecturer yesterday requesting for a letter of recommendation and he replied saying he was busy and if i wanted it i'll have to draft out one for him and let him make some 'minor adjustments'! How on earth can i write my own letter of recommendation?!?! AND he'll be reading what I write about ME! Its like blowing my own horn! Damn perasan case lor!

JORRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways have to get back to work la and writing that damn PERASAN SYOK SENDIRI letter!

Oh and i have to say i love 3G *snicker*

AND I'LL FORM THE HEAD!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

I just turned 10 all over again!

Ok kev breath...steady breath...thats it

Thanks to Joery i decided to youtube Voltron and sigh....I'm 10 all over again. I mean how cool are those robot lions! I remember how i used to desperately want to be part of their crew when i was young and owned a machine of my own. My parents did buy me one out of the five parts of that robot but refused to get me the rest. So all i had was one lion that formed the left side of the leg to play with. I would shout 'Go Voltron!' and then...er...well lets just say the transformation went way faster. My robot wasnt really that kickass. After all, what can one leg do? Hmm...come to think of it, actually my robot was pretty much ALL kickass!

ZOMG BRINGS BACK MEMORIES

Another of my favourite was Silverhawk. In case you've forgotten about them (shame of you if u did! They were the best kickass cartoon then!), they're the guys always in silver with wings tucked in there somewhere. My favourite was that small copper kid that throws a disc, cant recall his name. Oh and if you listen carefully, there's one part in the song where it goes 'Silverhawk, the rainbow in the sky!' LOLOLOLOL!! Men with pure gleaming six pack, hard as steel??? Maybe the show was gay! Nvr realised i was exposed to gay influence that early :P

"Wings of silver
Nerves of steel"

Lastly is Dinoriders. Remember loving all those dinosours with kickass weapons. OMG seriously i wanna go back to those good old days sob sob! Nowadays, the only cartoon i find amusing is Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends, and thats because of the ever-so-cynical Bloo! (and yes i still watch cartoons, dun laugh!)

Nooooo....seriously, i cant explain what i'm feeling right now. Its like I'm so excited yet down. Its like a blast from the past, and the worst part is things will nvr be as they were. Only now do i realise how shitty it is to grow up. Totally understand why Peter Pan wanted to stay a kid now.

SOB SOB SOB

Ok back to studying.


Btw I tried googling the lyrics for Silverhawk and found this

"We're sorry but the artist has decided not to disclose the lyrics for this song."

WTF?!?!?!

Well dear artist, you're a sadist you know that! I hope you and ur song lyric are happy together u selfish bastard. Hmph!!!



ps: word of the day is kickass

When I Woke Up

______

"Goodbye my friend, you've taken a stroll
Down a path unknown, you've left me alone
I wake up to find you're no longer there
In dreaming you went and never looked back

You leave me disheartened, broken and down
Without you I walk aimlessly around
As bright as the sun shines, the weathers still cold
The sky is a void, a gaping black hole

But now i feel better, you're back by my side
Our journey through life, our path coincide
Tho still not fully, i know it takes time
Let happiness return when chemicals combine"

______

Clayton said my some of my post were hard to understand. Well to tell you the truth, i like to keep some things to myself. That's why i write metaphorically (or try to at least). See if you can decipher this one :P

A Horrible Monday

...for green Volvos.

At least today wasn't all that bad for me. Had a presentation that went pretty well. Still some problem with our design project tho but at least we're at the final stage. Now all there is to do is finish up 2 more reports and full steam ahead for exams.

On my way back, it started to rain...heavily...AGAIN!

Seriously, this is getting quite irritating! I mean one day of like super heavy rain is alright, maybe get into the mood of reminiscence as you drive with emo songs playing full blast on your radio. Two days ok la still can get melancholy about life and things like that. But three days is just stupid ok! Its so not fun driving at 60kph with a window of opportunity to actually see where one is going for like 5 seconds before everything goes blurry again! Grrr...

Caution : Long winded story starts here :)

Anyway, the rain finally subsided to a drizzle. I was driving at the fast lane just chilling, trying to decide if i should nap when i get back (pls dun get jealous u working people :P) when suddenly i saw this Volvo from the corner of my eye trying to cut in to the middle lane. What happened for the next erm...1 minute?? was quite surreal. I can finally say that i've witnessed an accident in the making now instead of always only seeing the end results aka STUPID TRAFFIC JAMS!

Well as i was saying, this Volvo tries to cut in to the middle lane when his car skidded and the driver lost control of the car. In slow mo Ala matrix style, the car spun round and round in a path that took him from the middle lane to the slow lane.

Now the funny/unfortunate (depends on how u look at it) thing was that there was this car driving in the slow lane, and he was probably one of those anal careful drivers that check his side mirrors, wipers, adjust rear view mirror and seat belts before starting off on a journey. Well there he was happily driving slowly, being cautious on the road because it was raining like the advert on radio told him to, when BANG! Some stupid Volvo clips his back in the midst of its impromptu roller coaster ride and sends him running straight into some bushes beside the highway.

Not feeling satisfied, the Volvo continued on with its path of destruction, like MixFM's tornado challenge, going from the slow lane to the fast lane where I WAS DRIVING! Actually took me awhile to realise it was coming my way la cos i was too engrossed watching what was happening (would have stepped out of my car to get popcorns too if there were any available :P) but thank God i did so i immediately slowed down and switched on my hazard lights. In the end the Volvo hits the divider that sends him reeling back to the slow lane and finally stops there.

Now...know why i said it was all so surreal? And its not because i was traumatized or anything like that. Its because the whole time the car was spinning and causing havoc, not a sound could be heard! I didn't hear any tyres screeching or brakes being jammed. I didnt even hear anything when the Volvo smashed into the other car! All i heard was the constant pitter-patter of the rain and the song being played on radio...as if nothing was happening. I guess somebody forgot to add THX to this movie.

Well as bad as i may sound, i was actually quite concerned the whole time but i'm pretty sure nobody got hurt. Maybe a whiplash at most from all that spinning but he deserves it la for driving so fucking fast when its raining. I pity that innocent anal careful driver tho.

When Money Matters

" I used to love taking photographs here.
What happened?
People started paying me. Took the fun out of it."

-extract from Catch and Release

Chronic Obsession

Its crazy i tell you! A song like that should be banned! Its been stuck in my head for two whole days now and i just cant get it out of my mind. When i'm at the computer i have it on loop for hours and when music is non-accessible i hum it in my head and actually crave to listen to it, so i keep switching radio channels in hopes that one of them might have it on their play list. CRAZY I TELL YOU!

Gwen Stefani - Sweet Escape

If I could escape
I would, but first of all let me say
I must apologize for acting, stinking, treating you this way
Cause I've been acting like sour milk fell on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refridgerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold

If I could escape
And re-create a place as my own world
And I could be your favorite girl
Forever, perfectly together
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?

If I could be sweet
I know I've been a real bad girl
I didn't mean for you to get hurt
Forever, we can make it better
Tell me boy, Now wouldn't that be sweet?
Sweet escape

(I wanna get away, to our sweet escape)

You let me down
I'm at my lowest boiling point
Come help me out
I need to get me out of this joint
Come on, let's bounce
Counting on you to turn me around
Instead of clowning around let's look for some common ground

So baby, times getting a little crazy
I've been getting a little lazy
Waiting for you to come save me
I can see that you're angry
By the way the you treat me
Hopefully you don't leave me
Want to take you with me

If I could escape
And re-create a place as my own world
And I could be your favorite girl
Forever, perfectly together
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?

If I could be sweet
I know I've been a real bad girl
I didn't mean for you to get hurt
Forever, we can make it better
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?
Sweet escape

Whohoe, whihoo
Whohoe, whihoo
Whohoe, whihoo
Whohoe, whihoo

If I could escape

Cause I've been acting like sour milk fell on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refridgerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold

If I could escape
And re-create a place in my own world
And I could be your favorite girl
Forever, perfectly together
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?

If I could be sweet
I know I've been a real bad girl
I didn't mean for you to get hurt
Forever, we can make it better
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?
Sweet escape

I love her to bits! Even from the time she was in No Doubt, one could clearly tell that she was a trendsetter with those outrageous costumes that she dons on. Styles that were definately unique but she was able to pull it off unlike some. Now, 15 years down the line this girl has achieved major success. A mum with a fashion line and 2 albums under her belt, Gwen looks all ready to conquer the world. How can anybody not love her?!

Oh and Sweet Escape? I think this is one hell of a song that can almost bring out the diva in me...almost. That whole platinum blond look, Harajuku Girls, sigh....shes definately got it right!

Well its off to obsessing over the song again, no time to write anymore. Exams are in 3 weeks time and in another week i'll be starting my 4 months holiday. Jealous anybody :P Dont be cos i might be working, fingers crossed.

Elated

I'm so excited but there's nobody to call :(
Everybody i wanna talk to is either asleep or not talking to me.

Lucky i still have my trusty old blog.

Anyway just a quick one so i will remember this day.

Was chatting to a certain someone when i decided to ask for his opinion on internship prospects other then engineering line when he suggested his company. Weee! Its an advertising company and I'm really excited about working there now. Wonder how's it gonna be like.

Bad side to it tho is there might not be any pay in it. Hmm....i say its worth the experience but i'm gonna have to live like a pauper even when i work! Whats this man! Poor being a student, now poor working!

Oh well...i guess one cant ask for the best of everything right?

Sweet Escape

Its been a good day, productive to say the least. Perhaps it was the appearance of a special someone. Or maybe it was the unexpected results that he got. Its been long since that feeling was last felt. A sense of pride and worth.

And then it rained. Dark clouds that blocked the sun and sent the earth into darkness, or at least part of it. The drizzle soon becomes rain, and rain became storm. Suddenly, the world starts to fade away behind a watery curtain. Buildings up ahead begins to dissolve and mountain disappears. All he can see is the speckle of lights from other lonesome travellers like him.

Its hard to explain the emotions that he's feeling. Comfortable? Safe? Relieved? Perhaps its all those or perhaps its not. All that he knows is that the rain didnt bother him. Dark as it was, he could still see the end of it. Somehow he feels there is a message somewhere, though yet to be deciphered. He drives on with the radio blaring away.

It was horrible weather. How he wished he was at home, tucked safely under his comforter with a good book to read and maybe some cookies and a tall glass of cold milk by his side. Ah to be young and free again. Somehow, stress has become a part of his life.

But yet today was different. It was the same and yet it was different. His problems were still there. Work still piled undone on his desk and books stacked high waiting to be read. But a smile carves its way across his face. It was different. And then the rain stopped, just as Gwen Stefani's 'Sweet Escape' came on.