Wonder if anyone still comes here? Hmm...
Anyway, just felt like ranting after eons of not opening blogger. Things have been pretty ok. Have gotten to find out few things about myself - somewhat closer to a definitive plan in terms of career. Its always been a struggle with the job. Sometimes I feel on top of the world and at times I sink to the lowest valley. I wonder if I'm being too hard on myself in terms of performance. So far the people around me have been saying I've done a good job but I wonder if its out of politeness, a sense of lowered expectation or plain truth. Its hard to see the things that I've done as anything out of the ordinary that deserves compliments or praises. Its these moments of insecurities that often gets me down and depressed. And yet some other side of me screams why cant I just accept those compliments graciously and not question myself at every turn?
And then there's the problem with the company itself. The very core of the company is filled with politics, a fear of accepting responsibilities and laziness. And furthur fueled by the stories of distrust and an unappreciative employer by my CEO's secretrary herself, I really wonder how long should I stay in this company. I was told by a colleague that to survive this company one has to be able to adapt to its environment. So far the only thing I'm adapting to here is the slow pace of work, the ability to log on facebook with a straight work-face and to 'snake' for very long tea-breaks. Hell even my boss comes in an hour and a half late to work everyday. And when I talk about the guiltiness I feel during tea breaks with colleagues, they tell me I'm not adapted yet :S I really dont want to continue with this routine of laziness, least it becomes part of me!! And yet...I know I will definately miss the relaxing attitude that the company practices.
Oh well, I guess when the time is right I will move on.
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3 comments:
Sometimes it's necessary to question your ability. Do you watch American Idol? How so many who went for auditions thought they were brilliant but were all in tears when Simon Cowell gave them the truth? That is because they've got all praises and they never questioned themselves. But you shouldn't question yourself too much or too hard. Go with your instinct.
hmmm... ask the most honest people in your company. don't succumb to the black hole of laziness it's very dangerous.. if you don't see yourself down the line in a year or 2 then maybe it's time for a change :)
cheers
hey jl, legolas thanks for the advise. very wise words indeed! Will try to learn as much as I can then move on :)
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