Sexual Tension

Everybody's preparing for the biggest party of the year.

2 Major Events!

4 Days of dancing!

A thousand sweaty men!

...and i'm gonna be stuck at home studying :'(

Relationship

Read quite a few post on 'gay' relationship recently (or maybe its already so last year, whatever la), so here's my two cents worth.

Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say
I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think
When I let it sink in
It's all over me
I'm lying here in the dark
I'm watching you sleep, it hurts a lot
& all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

All I wanted was to know I'm safe
Don't want to lose the love I've found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don't let me down
It's not fair how you are
I can't be complete, can you give me more?
& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

~Gwen Stefani - 4 In the morning~

OK so its not exactly MY two cents worth, its Gwens. But read the lyrics carefully and you'll see that she's got it right. Relationships take work. In order for it to work two people has to actually want it and give it their all if they really want it to last.

Personally, i dont see what the big deal is about gay or straight relationships or how they differ from each other. As has been debated long and hard by others, straights have exactly the same problems that we have. Maybe the only difference is that we're already cursed with a stereotype - and that is all gays fool around. Maybe that's an excuse we give ourselves whenever we succumb to temptation. I have to admit that is the biggest flaw we have. I can understand how some people would use this to console themselves.

However its not so much the temptation as it is the act itself that matters. Not many guys are willing to give up a hot fuck. I mean lets get real, we're all a bunch of superficial twats. Who in they're right mind would pass a chance to sleep with that 6' 2 hunk with dreamy eyes and abs so chiseled you could sharpen a knife with? The mind instantly starts weighing the pros and cons of cheating. In the end, i assume most would come to the conclusion 'Its a chance of a lifetime! Seize it!'. Ta-da, ladies and gentlemen you've got yourself a scandalous affair.

Someone once said, relationship is more then just that lovely feeling. Yes boys and girls, in my opinion it take more work then love to make a relationship work. More so when you frequent clubs filled with pumping testosterone all fired up and on a mission. Dont for a second think that the guy eyeing you gives a fuck if you're attached. Its your duty to think about that, not him.

Its only when one is willing to give up a quickie with that Greek God, only then are you commited to the relationship. Stop thinking about the missed chances and just put faith in what you already have. Dont think about the regrets that you might have later, if say the relationship fails. And most of all, stop living by the motto 'Life's all about fun!'. Lets see how fun it is when you're 40 and saggy and all alone, and the only boys that are willing to hang out with you are rent boys.

As for myself, i decided a long time ago to first determine what i want. If its sex with beautiful random strangers then by all means go ahead, but do it single. I dont see the point in getting into a relationship and then sleeping around with other people and creating super sized dramas. Seriously, its too much hassle.

Ok so thats my take on relationships. This post was done in 30 minutes so pls dont shoot me down too much in your comments! lol

Random Random Random

One can usually tell the transition period. Notice how my blog was full of post the last few weeks and then *poof* nothing? Well thats because i've finally completed all required assignments and my eyes were hurting so bad by the end of it that i didnt really feel like staring into the computer anymore then i needed to. Oh and i have all my notes on printed papers this time around too so i dont have to depend on my com.

And can somebody pls tell me how on earth do I ( <--- notice bold letter!) write a letter of recommendation for MYSELF!?!?!

Yes!!! You see the connection?!

Wrote to my lecturer yesterday requesting for a letter of recommendation and he replied saying he was busy and if i wanted it i'll have to draft out one for him and let him make some 'minor adjustments'! How on earth can i write my own letter of recommendation?!?! AND he'll be reading what I write about ME! Its like blowing my own horn! Damn perasan case lor!

JORRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways have to get back to work la and writing that damn PERASAN SYOK SENDIRI letter!

Oh and i have to say i love 3G *snicker*

AND I'LL FORM THE HEAD!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

I just turned 10 all over again!

Ok kev breath...steady breath...thats it

Thanks to Joery i decided to youtube Voltron and sigh....I'm 10 all over again. I mean how cool are those robot lions! I remember how i used to desperately want to be part of their crew when i was young and owned a machine of my own. My parents did buy me one out of the five parts of that robot but refused to get me the rest. So all i had was one lion that formed the left side of the leg to play with. I would shout 'Go Voltron!' and then...er...well lets just say the transformation went way faster. My robot wasnt really that kickass. After all, what can one leg do? Hmm...come to think of it, actually my robot was pretty much ALL kickass!

ZOMG BRINGS BACK MEMORIES

Another of my favourite was Silverhawk. In case you've forgotten about them (shame of you if u did! They were the best kickass cartoon then!), they're the guys always in silver with wings tucked in there somewhere. My favourite was that small copper kid that throws a disc, cant recall his name. Oh and if you listen carefully, there's one part in the song where it goes 'Silverhawk, the rainbow in the sky!' LOLOLOLOL!! Men with pure gleaming six pack, hard as steel??? Maybe the show was gay! Nvr realised i was exposed to gay influence that early :P

"Wings of silver
Nerves of steel"

Lastly is Dinoriders. Remember loving all those dinosours with kickass weapons. OMG seriously i wanna go back to those good old days sob sob! Nowadays, the only cartoon i find amusing is Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends, and thats because of the ever-so-cynical Bloo! (and yes i still watch cartoons, dun laugh!)

Nooooo....seriously, i cant explain what i'm feeling right now. Its like I'm so excited yet down. Its like a blast from the past, and the worst part is things will nvr be as they were. Only now do i realise how shitty it is to grow up. Totally understand why Peter Pan wanted to stay a kid now.

SOB SOB SOB

Ok back to studying.


Btw I tried googling the lyrics for Silverhawk and found this

"We're sorry but the artist has decided not to disclose the lyrics for this song."

WTF?!?!?!

Well dear artist, you're a sadist you know that! I hope you and ur song lyric are happy together u selfish bastard. Hmph!!!



ps: word of the day is kickass

When I Woke Up

______

"Goodbye my friend, you've taken a stroll
Down a path unknown, you've left me alone
I wake up to find you're no longer there
In dreaming you went and never looked back

You leave me disheartened, broken and down
Without you I walk aimlessly around
As bright as the sun shines, the weathers still cold
The sky is a void, a gaping black hole

But now i feel better, you're back by my side
Our journey through life, our path coincide
Tho still not fully, i know it takes time
Let happiness return when chemicals combine"

______

Clayton said my some of my post were hard to understand. Well to tell you the truth, i like to keep some things to myself. That's why i write metaphorically (or try to at least). See if you can decipher this one :P

A Horrible Monday

...for green Volvos.

At least today wasn't all that bad for me. Had a presentation that went pretty well. Still some problem with our design project tho but at least we're at the final stage. Now all there is to do is finish up 2 more reports and full steam ahead for exams.

On my way back, it started to rain...heavily...AGAIN!

Seriously, this is getting quite irritating! I mean one day of like super heavy rain is alright, maybe get into the mood of reminiscence as you drive with emo songs playing full blast on your radio. Two days ok la still can get melancholy about life and things like that. But three days is just stupid ok! Its so not fun driving at 60kph with a window of opportunity to actually see where one is going for like 5 seconds before everything goes blurry again! Grrr...

Caution : Long winded story starts here :)

Anyway, the rain finally subsided to a drizzle. I was driving at the fast lane just chilling, trying to decide if i should nap when i get back (pls dun get jealous u working people :P) when suddenly i saw this Volvo from the corner of my eye trying to cut in to the middle lane. What happened for the next erm...1 minute?? was quite surreal. I can finally say that i've witnessed an accident in the making now instead of always only seeing the end results aka STUPID TRAFFIC JAMS!

Well as i was saying, this Volvo tries to cut in to the middle lane when his car skidded and the driver lost control of the car. In slow mo Ala matrix style, the car spun round and round in a path that took him from the middle lane to the slow lane.

Now the funny/unfortunate (depends on how u look at it) thing was that there was this car driving in the slow lane, and he was probably one of those anal careful drivers that check his side mirrors, wipers, adjust rear view mirror and seat belts before starting off on a journey. Well there he was happily driving slowly, being cautious on the road because it was raining like the advert on radio told him to, when BANG! Some stupid Volvo clips his back in the midst of its impromptu roller coaster ride and sends him running straight into some bushes beside the highway.

Not feeling satisfied, the Volvo continued on with its path of destruction, like MixFM's tornado challenge, going from the slow lane to the fast lane where I WAS DRIVING! Actually took me awhile to realise it was coming my way la cos i was too engrossed watching what was happening (would have stepped out of my car to get popcorns too if there were any available :P) but thank God i did so i immediately slowed down and switched on my hazard lights. In the end the Volvo hits the divider that sends him reeling back to the slow lane and finally stops there.

Now...know why i said it was all so surreal? And its not because i was traumatized or anything like that. Its because the whole time the car was spinning and causing havoc, not a sound could be heard! I didn't hear any tyres screeching or brakes being jammed. I didnt even hear anything when the Volvo smashed into the other car! All i heard was the constant pitter-patter of the rain and the song being played on radio...as if nothing was happening. I guess somebody forgot to add THX to this movie.

Well as bad as i may sound, i was actually quite concerned the whole time but i'm pretty sure nobody got hurt. Maybe a whiplash at most from all that spinning but he deserves it la for driving so fucking fast when its raining. I pity that innocent anal careful driver tho.

When Money Matters

" I used to love taking photographs here.
What happened?
People started paying me. Took the fun out of it."

-extract from Catch and Release

Chronic Obsession

Its crazy i tell you! A song like that should be banned! Its been stuck in my head for two whole days now and i just cant get it out of my mind. When i'm at the computer i have it on loop for hours and when music is non-accessible i hum it in my head and actually crave to listen to it, so i keep switching radio channels in hopes that one of them might have it on their play list. CRAZY I TELL YOU!

Gwen Stefani - Sweet Escape

If I could escape
I would, but first of all let me say
I must apologize for acting, stinking, treating you this way
Cause I've been acting like sour milk fell on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refridgerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold

If I could escape
And re-create a place as my own world
And I could be your favorite girl
Forever, perfectly together
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?

If I could be sweet
I know I've been a real bad girl
I didn't mean for you to get hurt
Forever, we can make it better
Tell me boy, Now wouldn't that be sweet?
Sweet escape

(I wanna get away, to our sweet escape)

You let me down
I'm at my lowest boiling point
Come help me out
I need to get me out of this joint
Come on, let's bounce
Counting on you to turn me around
Instead of clowning around let's look for some common ground

So baby, times getting a little crazy
I've been getting a little lazy
Waiting for you to come save me
I can see that you're angry
By the way the you treat me
Hopefully you don't leave me
Want to take you with me

If I could escape
And re-create a place as my own world
And I could be your favorite girl
Forever, perfectly together
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?

If I could be sweet
I know I've been a real bad girl
I didn't mean for you to get hurt
Forever, we can make it better
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?
Sweet escape

Whohoe, whihoo
Whohoe, whihoo
Whohoe, whihoo
Whohoe, whihoo

If I could escape

Cause I've been acting like sour milk fell on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refridgerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold

If I could escape
And re-create a place in my own world
And I could be your favorite girl
Forever, perfectly together
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?

If I could be sweet
I know I've been a real bad girl
I didn't mean for you to get hurt
Forever, we can make it better
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?
Sweet escape

I love her to bits! Even from the time she was in No Doubt, one could clearly tell that she was a trendsetter with those outrageous costumes that she dons on. Styles that were definately unique but she was able to pull it off unlike some. Now, 15 years down the line this girl has achieved major success. A mum with a fashion line and 2 albums under her belt, Gwen looks all ready to conquer the world. How can anybody not love her?!

Oh and Sweet Escape? I think this is one hell of a song that can almost bring out the diva in me...almost. That whole platinum blond look, Harajuku Girls, sigh....shes definately got it right!

Well its off to obsessing over the song again, no time to write anymore. Exams are in 3 weeks time and in another week i'll be starting my 4 months holiday. Jealous anybody :P Dont be cos i might be working, fingers crossed.

Elated

I'm so excited but there's nobody to call :(
Everybody i wanna talk to is either asleep or not talking to me.

Lucky i still have my trusty old blog.

Anyway just a quick one so i will remember this day.

Was chatting to a certain someone when i decided to ask for his opinion on internship prospects other then engineering line when he suggested his company. Weee! Its an advertising company and I'm really excited about working there now. Wonder how's it gonna be like.

Bad side to it tho is there might not be any pay in it. Hmm....i say its worth the experience but i'm gonna have to live like a pauper even when i work! Whats this man! Poor being a student, now poor working!

Oh well...i guess one cant ask for the best of everything right?

Sweet Escape

Its been a good day, productive to say the least. Perhaps it was the appearance of a special someone. Or maybe it was the unexpected results that he got. Its been long since that feeling was last felt. A sense of pride and worth.

And then it rained. Dark clouds that blocked the sun and sent the earth into darkness, or at least part of it. The drizzle soon becomes rain, and rain became storm. Suddenly, the world starts to fade away behind a watery curtain. Buildings up ahead begins to dissolve and mountain disappears. All he can see is the speckle of lights from other lonesome travellers like him.

Its hard to explain the emotions that he's feeling. Comfortable? Safe? Relieved? Perhaps its all those or perhaps its not. All that he knows is that the rain didnt bother him. Dark as it was, he could still see the end of it. Somehow he feels there is a message somewhere, though yet to be deciphered. He drives on with the radio blaring away.

It was horrible weather. How he wished he was at home, tucked safely under his comforter with a good book to read and maybe some cookies and a tall glass of cold milk by his side. Ah to be young and free again. Somehow, stress has become a part of his life.

But yet today was different. It was the same and yet it was different. His problems were still there. Work still piled undone on his desk and books stacked high waiting to be read. But a smile carves its way across his face. It was different. And then the rain stopped, just as Gwen Stefani's 'Sweet Escape' came on.

Cravings

I crave for the illegal.

Once again my mind dwell on the colourful, to taste the forbidden fruit that comes in so many different forms and flavours. The music adds to the rush. I know i should stop, but its too late. The seed has already been planted - the thought of the apple inside.

So much left unattended, unresolved. But yet time is what i lack. It fills my mind with thoughts, yet i push them aside for what requires my immediate attention. Maybe its a mistake, who knows what time will do? But for now, only one problem at a time. I crave for relieve.

I stand here wondering, trying to see into the future. To tell of consequences, to predict results. But all is blank. Abilities lie in a world of fantasy and i'm rudely brought back to reality. But Superman is no fantasy of mine, he's real. If only i could get a touch of him now. Reality dissolves. The Hand supreme.

Resist i must. Resist i will. For the time of fantasy will come soon. But the mind must rest now.

"But I want to
Feel you touch you know you
And I want to
so I let you set me free
Into sweet misery
Sweet misery"

Tiesto - Sweet Misery

Crazy Japs

Anybody think the Japs are crazy? Watch these clips then tell me!





Seriously, have they no law against these kindda pranks?

However, throw in a really cute guy and it could actually be voyeuristic porn for some of u :P
Enjoy!

Simple Love

One thing i love about him?

All those free CD's :P


I've been trying very hard not to fall too fast or too deep into it this time. Blame it on experience but like i've said before, i approach love with much more cynicism now. Even while everything was rosy i still had my doubts - the usual questions of what ifs and is hes'. Whats more scary is the fact that he was a total stranger, no way of doing any kind of background check of what kindda guy is he. Of course i had to take extra precautions, i was entering uncharted grounds.

I do admit however, i was still caught up in the moment. Its like driving a Ferrari but asking it to do 70kph on an empty highway - its possible but highly unlikely. I guess somethings never change eh!

"Begitulah wajah cinta
tak cukup sejuta kata"

Wanted to say more but somehow i find that words cant describe anything i want to say. So i guess i'll just enjoy the ride and see where it leads us to.

Malacca

Not really in the mood for a full post so here's a brief outline of my weekend (if anybody's interested la :S)

-Went down to Malacca
-Missed Speedzone party because of Malacca :'(
-Ate lots n lots of food in half a day - wan ton mee, hei piao oh (hmm this is hokkien for erm some fishball thingy la), satay, satay celup, chow mien, oo jien (fried oyster).
-Slept the remaining half of the day
-Missed a chance to cuddle in my babys arms to sleep.
-Missed Easter Sunday service
-Got bitten by A HELL LOT OF MOSQUITOES!
-Was so freaking hot the whole day! (N my mum dragged me to walk with her up St Pauls hill sommore!)
-Saw some cute guys in Jonker Walk
-Finally got a nice cross pendent in Jonker Walk
-Saw a gay guy doing line-dancing on stage with a bunch of old ladies in glittery clothes (he was good tho)
-Saw a Kwai Lou girl crying at the foot of Bkt Cina (For u guys unfamiliar with Mlk, Bkt Cina is littered with old style cemetaries, think old chinese ghost stories :P)

Generation UnGap

Ok so lately i've been posting up alot of vid. Kindda told myself to write up a proper post for today but i stumbled across this vid that was TOO FUCKING HILARIOUS! To not post it up would be a crime. Its in Mandarin but dont worry if your a banana like me, you'll enjoy it too!



This rap was brought to you by...

LAO ZHA BOR!

And she even has a blog! Go check out her site here.

'Shi Bu Shi Jai Kai Wan Siaoo!'

Anyway, i guess this is what you really call bridging the generation gap. But somehow, its rather disturbing. I dont even wanna think about how its gonna be if i ever find out MY grandparents have a rap album coming out!

Well, all the best LAO CHAR BOR! I support you...as long as you dont ever influence my grandparents or give them crazy ideas. If you do, i'll be sueing you for emotional trauma, I SWEAR!


ps: OMFG! After listening to it for like a million time, i think i'm actually starting to like this song! Anyone else thinks its catchy? :S

Vids

I need your help guys. Found this trailer on my com which i downloaded some time ago and remembered really wanting to catch this film. Unfortunately i dont really know how to go about finding it as its in chinese and a foreign gay film. If anybody has any idea on how to get the dvd i would be eternally grateful to you. Thanks.

Eternal Summer (trailer)


Oh and i really love the music as well, if anybody knows where to get it...lol thanks

_____________________

And heres another clip. Pretty disturbing i would say, but its also a must watch. This one courtesy of Ray for introducing it to me. Enjoy!

Ernest And Bertram

A Parody

Love her voice and somehow, this song works.

Alanis Morissette 'My Hump'

A Tale Of Good And Evil

My mum is rearing snails...really.

Today i came back from uni only to be greeted on the front porch by a tupperware of snails.

Ever since i moved to my new place some time back, the garden has been the pride and joy of my mum and dad. This is not to say that they are superb gardeners with a natural green thumb, or that my garden is exceptionally pretty, but rather they have put much more effort into it this time around compared to before.

Never before have they shown this much interest in potted plants or taken so much time and effort to ensure every foliage in the house remains vibrant and more importantly, alive. Of course there has been the occasional plant murder when my dad would accidentally put too much fertiliser in one pot or viciously dig out that poor defenceless papaya tree that my mum planted (he doesn't believe in the practicality of having a fruit tree in the house :S) but all in all, i would say that they're doing quite well.

So imagine their horror one day when they found their beloved garden infested with snails. No idea where those little fellers have been hiding all this time but they sure like a grandeur appearance. It was as if a whole clan reunion was taking place right here in our garden and everywhere u turned u could see snails. Ok so i may be exaggerating a lil bit, but yeah there were quite a few la.

Without hesitation, my mum started her conquest to rid her precious retreat from these pest. She scoured the area high and low, leaving no stone unturned literally. The snails were handpicked one by one and off into a tupperware they went. When she was done, she smiled. Emerging triumphant, she could once again breath easily knowing that her lil garden was once again safe. Little did she realise of her final obstical.


'What should i do with these?' she turned to ask me.


'Kill it la! Squash them all at once. Or better yet, pour salt and see them melt!' I replied with a wicked grin.


But being the softy that she is, my mum couldnt do it. She thought it was heartless if she killed those snails, even if they did pose a threat to her garden. So in the tupperware those wretched snails remain till this day still awaiting their judgement. Uncertain about their future. And if you listen carefully at the stroke of midnight on a clear silent night, when the moon is full and the air is still, you would hear the soft mourning of those greedy snails crying

'Woe is us! Woe is us!'

The Dark Side Of Emotions

Emotions are deceiving. They come as sudden as they go and often, we have to clear up the mess that they leave behind. Of course we only have ourselves to blame for being a victim of the moment. If only we had been strong.

Falling for somebody is easy, especially in a society where many are desperate for a meaningful relationship. All we need is a little attention, some form of pampering, and we think that we're head-over-heels for somebody. What happens then when the feeling goes away? Only then do we face reality and start with the rational part. Is he really the one for me? Can i really live with this guy? Worst still, do i really love him? Or was it all just a sugar rush?

Some say that relationship takes work. Work to forge a closer bond. Work to maintain that feeling. Work to ensure that trust. But even when a person goes beyond himself to satisfy the other, it doesn't always produce the desired results. Instead, the other party might just end up feeling more pressured to remain in the relationship, and that is a recipe for disaster.

I definitely felt that pressure once. I was with the sweetest, most caring guy anybody could ever wish for, and it was alot to live up to. In the end, i was left feeling indebted to him. By then, the feeling was gone. The rainbows had hidden behind clouds and birds stopped singing the song of love. Reality started sinking in, and i couldn't see myself with him anymore. But i owed him! And that was the worst part. I would be seen as the jerk if i left him, but would be living a lie if i continued. It ended eventually, but not without a huge mess as expected. Looking back, it was the right thing to do but i still cant help tasting that sour after taste every time i think back.

And maybe love is blind. Or maybe some people just don't want to see the obvious. An idealistic man trapped in a vicious world. What will happen when his bubble burst? What happens when he realises that even with all the securities to offer, sometimes its just not enough without that attraction as well? Maybe if he understood the concept of emotion, he would see that it was all but a dream. A sweet one that will turn sour if he does not let go. Or maybe he really is oblivious to it all?

In any case, i wish him well.

An idealistic man trapped in a vicious world.

If only he knew of emotions.