One year ago, i fell in love. Things just kind of happened and suddenly, i was caught up in a relationship i didnt even realise was happening. Last April, i had my heart broken. The hurt came unexpected because i didnt even think we had anything going on till he slept with someone else. Today, the mended pieces of this fragile heart breaks again.
Somehow i dont think i'm built for relationships. I just cant stand this searing pain i feel each time someone walks away. The loneliness is too much to bear and the emotions too strong to control. But most of all, i hate the feeling of helplessness. To know that you cant do anything but let that person walk away.
The first time i met him, it was his smile that caught my eye and captivated my heart. It was raining that day but that smile of his looked as if it could chase away the clouds above and bring back the sun. As he greeted us, his pale blue eyes looked into mine and i knew i was lost in it. Like looking into a pool of clear water, his eyes reflected only the purest hue of blue dominated only by the black of his iris.
The heart aches for what i cant have. Although deep down inside i knew it could never become anything substantial, i was satisfied with living for the moment. I treasured every minute we were together. But now i know he's gone.
Nothing is worse then being friends with the one you want most. To be close to that person but knowing you'll never have him. Thinking back, i wish i could change the things i said, the things i did. But its too late now and things have gotten complicated.
'Ask me why i keep on loving you when it's clear you dont feel the same way for me...the problem is that as much as i cant force you to love me, i cant force myself to stop loving you'
Goodbye my friend. I hope that next year if i do have the chance to visit you, things will be different. I hope that we will remain friends and i will finally be able to find my way in life.
bisous
au revoir
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