Branches slaps at his face as he is running, clawing at his skin like a wild cat angered. It leaves open wounds next to scars formed years ago. The pain he felt was refreshing and took his mind away from the cramps and numbness of his legs. His vision is blurry - unable to focus and exausted. He can feel the blood ozing out of him. Droplets of sweat and blood fuses together to form a concoction that falls on the darken earth of the forest bed, leaving behind a trail as he runs. Maybe it is this that allows it to still follow him, but he doesnt know.
'Is it still behind?' he wonders.
Not daring to look back, he quickens his strides further hoping to widen the gap between him and the shadows dancing around him. The rhythm of his breath grew erratic. He could feel the pounding of his heart against his chest and the pain grew more with every step he took. His shirt was plastered to him caked in dirt, sweat and blood. Everything about this boy looked animalistic now as he ran through this maze of trees and vines.
'Is it still there?' he wonders.
The question repeats itself in his mind. It was a question he had asked himself since the running began and yet after years, it remains unanswered. What started out as one became many, and what was many became one. He could no longer tell what it was that was chasing him, no longer knew what it is he was running away from. All he knew was that it was not over.
Once in awhile he would catch a glimps of eyes red as fire, or feel the scaly skin brush against his arms, or the smell of something so foul no comparison can be made. Nothing could describe the horror he felt, nor the fear that grips his heart everytime the creature appears. Hard as he tries, he cant seem to shake off the demons that follow him. Every fiber within his body screams out in protest as fatigue sets in but he knows he has to keep running. It was his past, his present and his future. There was no way out.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Monday, March 20, 2006
Wake me up when July ends
You know you're reading too many blogs when u start typing soccernet.blogspot.com.
Anyway things have not been going as well as i wanted it to be. So many things and so little time. I promised myself not to procrastinate a long time ago and i was pretty surprised at myself for being able to keep that promise. Alas, as with all good things, it didnt last (ok...ok...so this saying isnt really appropriate). After that, i just lost all momentum that i had built up and now, its like i have a stalled car at the foot of a hill.
To add to that misery, i've just decided to work at my aunts company for 2 fucking long months. Ok so i did ask for it by not being able to complete my course the first time and now i've got to make up for lost time. And solectron is a good engineering company which will look good on my CV. But 2 fucking months...sigh. Anyway, i hope to have the time of my life once August comes because i'll need it. Hopefully the Thailand trip materialises!
Ok i think i should bring this topic back to its cheerful start so here's another story. I was surfing the net one day, reading blogs and checking stuff out while doing my work at the same time. It was getting pretty late, bout 2-3am and i was getting tired. Suddenly, there came this tiny laughter. I was freaked out! Looking around i was wondering if i really wanted to know where it came from. Then i heard it again. It sounded like babies giggling. At this point in time, weird thoughts were zipping through my mind at like a gazzilion miles per hour coming up with all sorts of explanation that were in the end just rubbish. Suddenly, i realised that it was coming from behing my monitor so i leaned in closer to listen. Of course the sound grew louder, and i realised that it was actually coming from my speakers behing it. Apparently some idiot friend of mine had nothing better to do then to post a vid of a mother with her multiple babies. The clip had finish loading and played automatically (-.-). Ok so not exactly a cheerful story, but its my blog so get use to it lol.
Anyway things have not been going as well as i wanted it to be. So many things and so little time. I promised myself not to procrastinate a long time ago and i was pretty surprised at myself for being able to keep that promise. Alas, as with all good things, it didnt last (ok...ok...so this saying isnt really appropriate). After that, i just lost all momentum that i had built up and now, its like i have a stalled car at the foot of a hill.
To add to that misery, i've just decided to work at my aunts company for 2 fucking long months. Ok so i did ask for it by not being able to complete my course the first time and now i've got to make up for lost time. And solectron is a good engineering company which will look good on my CV. But 2 fucking months...sigh. Anyway, i hope to have the time of my life once August comes because i'll need it. Hopefully the Thailand trip materialises!
Ok i think i should bring this topic back to its cheerful start so here's another story. I was surfing the net one day, reading blogs and checking stuff out while doing my work at the same time. It was getting pretty late, bout 2-3am and i was getting tired. Suddenly, there came this tiny laughter. I was freaked out! Looking around i was wondering if i really wanted to know where it came from. Then i heard it again. It sounded like babies giggling. At this point in time, weird thoughts were zipping through my mind at like a gazzilion miles per hour coming up with all sorts of explanation that were in the end just rubbish. Suddenly, i realised that it was coming from behing my monitor so i leaned in closer to listen. Of course the sound grew louder, and i realised that it was actually coming from my speakers behing it. Apparently some idiot friend of mine had nothing better to do then to post a vid of a mother with her multiple babies. The clip had finish loading and played automatically (-.-). Ok so not exactly a cheerful story, but its my blog so get use to it lol.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Lo Fever
Jason Lo
Impress Them
Sit down, take a seat
Take the weight off your feet
Let's talk about the good old times
Or even something interesting
Like how the world is not the same
in twenty years so much has changed
Except for us, still sitting here
Drinking P*** and eating Sh**
Bombs blow up but we dont care
Did you do something with your hair?
You're looking really cool today
Shall we go out tonight and see
All the people just like us
And we'll impress them because we must
We'll impress them because we must
Chill out and stress another day
And put those credit cards away
Your phone is ringing in my ear
That goddamn thing just makes me feel
Like i should tune my life to yours
I'm sorry if I've made you bored
Oh god, I'm feeling sick again
I need some super medicine
Like going out tonight to see
All the people just like me
And i'll impress them, you will see
I know, I know you dont know
All the people just like us
And we'll impress them because we must.
What truth he speaks!
Anyway, i'm finally the proud owner of Jason Lo's second cd. And even better is that the cd's original! Support your local artist man...lol. I was pretty surprised tho when i decided to go out and buy he's cd because i had to go to like 3 music store before i found one that actually had his cd's. No dont get me wrong, its not that those stores didnt sell Jason Lo, its just all 3 of them ran out of stock! Virgin, Rock Corner and Tower Records!! So i went to look for it at Speedy and guess what? I took the last cd they had! So its either the whole of malaysia is really getting into the local music scene (which is er...weird) or Lo's producers only came out with a limited supply of stock (which sucks). But all in all, it was a great buy. Although the album sounded abit unpolished, some of the songs in there were terrific. And at RM30.50 it was abit of a pinch for local supply but oh well...somebody's gotto eat right? So go check it out if u're thinking of buying a cd but not sure of who.
Impress Them
Sit down, take a seat
Take the weight off your feet
Let's talk about the good old times
Or even something interesting
Like how the world is not the same
in twenty years so much has changed
Except for us, still sitting here
Drinking P*** and eating Sh**
Bombs blow up but we dont care
Did you do something with your hair?
You're looking really cool today
Shall we go out tonight and see
All the people just like us
And we'll impress them because we must
We'll impress them because we must
Chill out and stress another day
And put those credit cards away
Your phone is ringing in my ear
That goddamn thing just makes me feel
Like i should tune my life to yours
I'm sorry if I've made you bored
Oh god, I'm feeling sick again
I need some super medicine
Like going out tonight to see
All the people just like me
And i'll impress them, you will see
I know, I know you dont know
All the people just like us
And we'll impress them because we must.
What truth he speaks!
Anyway, i'm finally the proud owner of Jason Lo's second cd. And even better is that the cd's original! Support your local artist man...lol. I was pretty surprised tho when i decided to go out and buy he's cd because i had to go to like 3 music store before i found one that actually had his cd's. No dont get me wrong, its not that those stores didnt sell Jason Lo, its just all 3 of them ran out of stock! Virgin, Rock Corner and Tower Records!! So i went to look for it at Speedy and guess what? I took the last cd they had! So its either the whole of malaysia is really getting into the local music scene (which is er...weird) or Lo's producers only came out with a limited supply of stock (which sucks). But all in all, it was a great buy. Although the album sounded abit unpolished, some of the songs in there were terrific. And at RM30.50 it was abit of a pinch for local supply but oh well...somebody's gotto eat right? So go check it out if u're thinking of buying a cd but not sure of who.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Monday, March 06, 2006
Invasion of the Tribal Carnival
Carrefour (pronounce it care-four or carry-four, i dont give a damn) is one of the three main hypermarket thats recently sprouted like wild mushrooms after rain in Malaysia (When i say recently, i'm really saying about 4-5 years back so dont dish me about what the defination of recently is! ). Given the fact that we malaysians love our food, and adding the element of shopping to it, it really is no surprise that hypermarkets appear to be the ultimate saturday night hang-out spot for families, especially the large ones which includes ppl from the last 3 generations.
However, it is here that u can truly find the malaysian boleh spirit as well. Being loyal citizens as we are, it is astounding to what extend we will go to fulfill this aim. When i say malaysia boleh by the way, i really do mean 'boleh' to every single extend, be it rushing and shoving your way through people who actually bother to queue just to get the freshest batch of potato bread, or peeling the skins of onions just to see if its alright and not rotten inside. Yesterday however, has got to be the mother of all boleh spirit!
It seems that someone from the marketing department came up with the brilliant idea of placing pringles along side railings of the escalator as a marketing technique to get more people to buy more pringles. Unfortunately, they underestimated the power of boleh. It took just one customer to assume that the pringles placed there were a generous gift by Carrefour to be freely eaten. After that, it was a free for all as the pringles fought for their lives against the uneducated and the thick-skins (two cannibalistic tribes on planet Earth). I stared in horror at the aftermath of it all, cans of pringles that once stood tall and proud now line the rails with gaping holes at the top. Some even had their innards sucked out of them, then had their skins tucked back as best they could to hide this hideous act from preying eyes. Long live the boleh spirit!
However, it is here that u can truly find the malaysian boleh spirit as well. Being loyal citizens as we are, it is astounding to what extend we will go to fulfill this aim. When i say malaysia boleh by the way, i really do mean 'boleh' to every single extend, be it rushing and shoving your way through people who actually bother to queue just to get the freshest batch of potato bread, or peeling the skins of onions just to see if its alright and not rotten inside. Yesterday however, has got to be the mother of all boleh spirit!
It seems that someone from the marketing department came up with the brilliant idea of placing pringles along side railings of the escalator as a marketing technique to get more people to buy more pringles. Unfortunately, they underestimated the power of boleh. It took just one customer to assume that the pringles placed there were a generous gift by Carrefour to be freely eaten. After that, it was a free for all as the pringles fought for their lives against the uneducated and the thick-skins (two cannibalistic tribes on planet Earth). I stared in horror at the aftermath of it all, cans of pringles that once stood tall and proud now line the rails with gaping holes at the top. Some even had their innards sucked out of them, then had their skins tucked back as best they could to hide this hideous act from preying eyes. Long live the boleh spirit!
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Imperfection
I've come to realise that there are some people who gets emotional, verging on the edge of sentimental, whenever they write about themselves in private blogs. I guess i'm one of them.
Looking back at my life, i sometimes wonder what i'm doing and the paths that i've choosen. Most of the things that i've done, the sins committed, were mainly deeds that i did to try and define myself with. In the end, i'm left with a corpse that even i dont recognise. Right now, i would give anything to be able to turn back time. To right the wrongs that i've done, to undo the choices i'd made. But in trying to do so, each time i try to set things right, it always ends up screwed.
Lately i've been more than keen on going to church. As a child whos been brought up in church for all his life, i still find comfort in the divine no matter how hard i try to run away from it. Its like an unseen string which keeps pulling me back even through decades of hiding. And from there stems hope. Hope that maybe there is a purpose for me after all. Hope that God still has a plan for me even through all my imperfection. I use to hate the fact that i'd return to church only when the journey grew tough. I saw that as a sign of weakness, a need to depend on higher power when i could not solve my own problems. Maybe i thought wrong? Could it be that we have to go through rough patches in our lives just so that we can realise that we have to depend on someone else?
Obviously there were numerous reasons i gave myself to not trust in a God that was almighty. After all, how could one who created Earth not forsee the coming tribulations that the human race had to endure? And how miserably we would fail? How could one be so powerful, yet unable to intervene and stop war, hunger, depression, disasters and everything else that is unjust? How can one person be so perfect, while the one sitting next to him filled with flaws? And yet what is this flaw that we speak about? If truly heaven and hell exist, isnt all that we deem important really superficial compared to the fight for eternity? But still, we lust after what is fleeting, yearn for the things that only go skin deep - money, looks and popularity. While famine still spans across continents, we worry about growing fat. While war rages on, we worry about pimples. While people die of disease, earthquakes, and hurricanes, we worry about not wearing the latest fashion. Where is humanity?
I sometimes look at myself and ask God why did he make me the way he did, and the questions corroded my self-esteem. So i began giving myself reasons to not believe in Him. In true fact, it was i who was really blinded. Now i yearn to be the person i was before, but i've changed so much that i really cant find the old me anymore. The imperfections that i saw in the mirror were not really imperfections to start with. They were only reflections of the imperfections of the world. I had tried to change what was already perfect, already whole, and now i am left with a body scarred. I laugh at the foolishness of my actions through tears that streak down my cheek. It took me 22 years of my life to realise this. The irony of life and God was trying to tell us that from the very beginning.
My heart leaps for joy as i realise this. Suddenly it all becomes clear as words form through my fingers tapping on the keyboard but not coming from my own understanding. Knowledge is power, and to identify the problem is the first step to correction. However, just knowing isnt enough. Action has to be taken. I should go and talk to someone about my probles tomorrow. Oh how i know that. But fear grips me still. Am i really ready to change my life? To leave behind the burdens that chain me to the ground? Am i strong enough to refuse? To say no to the things that binds me? I admit this journey terrifies me, and i'm afraid to fall again. No doubt if things do not work out for the best, i will reach deeper depths than before. Only faith holds on, and faith is my only option now. I only hope for the best, and pray that i come out burned and scarred but victorious.
Looking back at my life, i sometimes wonder what i'm doing and the paths that i've choosen. Most of the things that i've done, the sins committed, were mainly deeds that i did to try and define myself with. In the end, i'm left with a corpse that even i dont recognise. Right now, i would give anything to be able to turn back time. To right the wrongs that i've done, to undo the choices i'd made. But in trying to do so, each time i try to set things right, it always ends up screwed.
Lately i've been more than keen on going to church. As a child whos been brought up in church for all his life, i still find comfort in the divine no matter how hard i try to run away from it. Its like an unseen string which keeps pulling me back even through decades of hiding. And from there stems hope. Hope that maybe there is a purpose for me after all. Hope that God still has a plan for me even through all my imperfection. I use to hate the fact that i'd return to church only when the journey grew tough. I saw that as a sign of weakness, a need to depend on higher power when i could not solve my own problems. Maybe i thought wrong? Could it be that we have to go through rough patches in our lives just so that we can realise that we have to depend on someone else?
Obviously there were numerous reasons i gave myself to not trust in a God that was almighty. After all, how could one who created Earth not forsee the coming tribulations that the human race had to endure? And how miserably we would fail? How could one be so powerful, yet unable to intervene and stop war, hunger, depression, disasters and everything else that is unjust? How can one person be so perfect, while the one sitting next to him filled with flaws? And yet what is this flaw that we speak about? If truly heaven and hell exist, isnt all that we deem important really superficial compared to the fight for eternity? But still, we lust after what is fleeting, yearn for the things that only go skin deep - money, looks and popularity. While famine still spans across continents, we worry about growing fat. While war rages on, we worry about pimples. While people die of disease, earthquakes, and hurricanes, we worry about not wearing the latest fashion. Where is humanity?
I sometimes look at myself and ask God why did he make me the way he did, and the questions corroded my self-esteem. So i began giving myself reasons to not believe in Him. In true fact, it was i who was really blinded. Now i yearn to be the person i was before, but i've changed so much that i really cant find the old me anymore. The imperfections that i saw in the mirror were not really imperfections to start with. They were only reflections of the imperfections of the world. I had tried to change what was already perfect, already whole, and now i am left with a body scarred. I laugh at the foolishness of my actions through tears that streak down my cheek. It took me 22 years of my life to realise this. The irony of life and God was trying to tell us that from the very beginning.
My heart leaps for joy as i realise this. Suddenly it all becomes clear as words form through my fingers tapping on the keyboard but not coming from my own understanding. Knowledge is power, and to identify the problem is the first step to correction. However, just knowing isnt enough. Action has to be taken. I should go and talk to someone about my probles tomorrow. Oh how i know that. But fear grips me still. Am i really ready to change my life? To leave behind the burdens that chain me to the ground? Am i strong enough to refuse? To say no to the things that binds me? I admit this journey terrifies me, and i'm afraid to fall again. No doubt if things do not work out for the best, i will reach deeper depths than before. Only faith holds on, and faith is my only option now. I only hope for the best, and pray that i come out burned and scarred but victorious.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Millennium Bug Flu
Today sucked. Had a test that i practically screwed and feeling as sick as ever. I'm just trying not to get paranoid but there has been emails going around in my uni about cases of TB and its hard not to draw the stupid conclusion when i have a few of the symptoms stated. Lets just hope its a case of paranoia or lots of ppl are gonna start feeling pretty ill too as TB is an airborn virus lol.
On to more sucky news, my poor computer is also on the verge of being scrap...or at least i think it is. Last night i woke up to the most awful beeping groan my computer could ever generate from its mechanical bowels as i left it on to download new series. I naturally did what any caring compasionate human would do - I unplugged the switch and went back to bed. Obviously i had the righ to be pissed! Not only does switching it off mean i dont get to finish downloading my series, it also means i have to start worrying about whats wrong with it...and i'm crap at computers. However, i managed to get it running again for the moment so lets just hope the problem goes away on its own.
Ok i'm tired of typing now so goodnight folks.
On to more sucky news, my poor computer is also on the verge of being scrap...or at least i think it is. Last night i woke up to the most awful beeping groan my computer could ever generate from its mechanical bowels as i left it on to download new series. I naturally did what any caring compasionate human would do - I unplugged the switch and went back to bed. Obviously i had the righ to be pissed! Not only does switching it off mean i dont get to finish downloading my series, it also means i have to start worrying about whats wrong with it...and i'm crap at computers. However, i managed to get it running again for the moment so lets just hope the problem goes away on its own.
Ok i'm tired of typing now so goodnight folks.
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