Obsession

You know you're obsessed when you watch porn but pay more attention to the wall colour of the room.

Have.to.stop.thinking.about.that.place!

...or at least for another 6 months or so :)

Recap I: Work

Wonder if anyone still comes here? Hmm...

Anyway, just felt like ranting after eons of not opening blogger. Things have been pretty ok. Have gotten to find out few things about myself - somewhat closer to a definitive plan in terms of career. Its always been a struggle with the job. Sometimes I feel on top of the world and at times I sink to the lowest valley. I wonder if I'm being too hard on myself in terms of performance. So far the people around me have been saying I've done a good job but I wonder if its out of politeness, a sense of lowered expectation or plain truth. Its hard to see the things that I've done as anything out of the ordinary that deserves compliments or praises. Its these moments of insecurities that often gets me down and depressed. And yet some other side of me screams why cant I just accept those compliments graciously and not question myself at every turn?

And then there's the problem with the company itself. The very core of the company is filled with politics, a fear of accepting responsibilities and laziness. And furthur fueled by the stories of distrust and an unappreciative employer by my CEO's secretrary herself, I really wonder how long should I stay in this company. I was told by a colleague that to survive this company one has to be able to adapt to its environment. So far the only thing I'm adapting to here is the slow pace of work, the ability to log on facebook with a straight work-face and to 'snake' for very long tea-breaks. Hell even my boss comes in an hour and a half late to work everyday. And when I talk about the guiltiness I feel during tea breaks with colleagues, they tell me I'm not adapted yet :S I really dont want to continue with this routine of laziness, least it becomes part of me!! And yet...I know I will definately miss the relaxing attitude that the company practices.

Oh well, I guess when the time is right I will move on.

This post is here because livejournal just wont load

I need help...I'm becoming emotionally numb.


Oh and I hate how slow livejournal is...a non-emotional kindda way.

My Dear Friend

My dear friend i've missed you so
although regret i've never shown
The adventures that we have shared
the joy of us just being there
We laugh back at those times
Oh but what precious memories
They were for me

There's so much i want to say,
There's so much i want to tell,
The need for you to understand
The me that i've become.
But words are hard to come
and facing you is harder still
And so i let our friendship fade
but worse was that i hurt you too

At times i think back on 'our long walks
with talks of future, relationships and God
And all the funny things that we used to do
like jumping on the bed, n breaking my tooth
Or what about the time when we,
played badminton and smashed the lights?
Only things that two of us could do

If only i could be, the friend you want of me
provide you comfort when you cry
Or be a companion by your side
A lunch date perhaps, or dinner at night?
Called you more often and make you laugh?
Or maybe what you really wanted
Was for me to be
a friend, nothing more,
just a friend

But all i have now are words
and all i can do is apologize
And truly i'm sorry for what i've done
and more so i'm sorry for what i've not
Cos believe me when i say this
losing your friendship was hard on me
So maybe what i really need to do
Is say sorry for not being strong enough,

for me and you.

~k

Hey Britney, Step Aside

If anyone thought Britney's new album Circus was 'da bomb, they obviously have not been to Malaysia. Our political situation right now will totally 'pawn' the daylights out of her.

There, I've done my part to promote tourism in Malaysia.

Now if only the fucking recession will just stop. Its pissing me off that I have to sacrifice shopping!

'There's only two types of people in the world
The ones that entertain and the ones that observe'