Beware of Fakes

Oh yeah?

Well fuck u too bitch!

Cause I Miss You

Shontelle
T-Shirt

Try'na decide Try'na decide
If I really wanna go out tonight
I never used to go out without ya
Not sure I remember how ta

Gonna be late Gonna be late
But, all my girls don't have to wait 'cause
I dont know if I like my outfit
I tried everything in my closet

Nothin feels right when I'm not with you
Sick of this dress and these Jimmy Choos
Takin them off 'cause I feel a fool
Try'na dress up when Im missin you

Imma step out of this lingerie
Curl up in a ball with something Hanes
In bed I lay

With nothing but your T-shirt on
With nothing but your T-shirt on

Hey

Gotta be strong gotta be strong but Im
Really hurtin now that you're gone
I thought maybe I'd do some shopping
But I couldnt get past the door and

Now I dont know, now I dont know If Im
Ever really gonna let you go
And I couldnt even leave my apartment
I'm stripped down, torn up about it

Nothin feels right when Im not with you
Sick of this dress and these Jimmy Choos
Takin them off 'cause I feel a fool
Try'na dress up when Im missin' you

Im'a step out of this lingerie
Curl up in a ball with something Hanes
In bed I lay

With nothing but your T-shirt on
With nothing but your T-shirt on
With nothing but your T-shirt on
('cause I missed you, 'cause I missed you)
With nothing but your T-shirt on
(said I missed you ... baby)

Now I dont know, now I dont know If Im
Ever really gonna let you go
And I couldnt even leave my apartment I'm stripped down, torn up about it

Nothing feels right when Im not with you
Sick of this dress and these Jimmy Choos
Taking them off 'cause I feel a fool
Try'na dress up when Im missin you

Imma step out of this lingerie
Curl up in a ball with something Hanes
In bed I lay

Nothing feels right when Im not with you
Sick of this dress and these Jimmy Choos
Taking them off 'cause I feel a fool
Try'na dress up when Im missin you

Imma step out of this lingerie
Curl up in a ball with something Hanes
In bed I lay

With nothing but your T-shirt on
With nothing but your T-shirt on
With nothing but your T-shirt on
With nothing but your T-shirt on

nothing but your t-shirt on
ooh let me tell you no
nothing but your t-shirt on
ooh let me tell you no
nothing but your t-shirt on

_______________________________________

I really hope they call this Friday.

The Wish

Sometimes I wish that love mattered. Only love. And nothing else would ever trump that.

Sadly, thats not the case most of the time. Sadly, we humans place more importance in things like religion and respect. Sadly, things like 'face' and dignity and honor comes way above love. And love is shoved in a corner, alone and forgotten.

I want to make my mum understand that what I have with him is just plain and simple love. Just as she fell in love with dad, so too do I want to fall in love with the man that's made for me. But I'm tired of all the fights - the yelling and the screaming. Even the tears. But worst of all, I'm tired of fighting against God.

To be honest, how can I ever win if ultimately God is brought into the picture? No matter how I try to see in another perspective, the Word is clear. And what I share with him is...forbidden.

Ever since I embarked on this journey, every step has been stony and uneven. The road I choose never gave one a moment's rest. And I'm so tired.

I have a dream. A dream that one day mum, dad, me and him could go to church together. A dream where I could freely worship without being discriminated. That we could have dinner at home and laugh at jokes, to talk about things that happened during the day and share our thoughts and opinions. And then gather round the tele for a movie...as a family. That Christmas would be a joyous occasion with everyone gathered round the tree and opening their presents.

Instead, all we have now are superficial banter about useless things. Safe things. Things that stay away from topics of relationships, marriage or family. And then there's the secretivity of trips and the when/what-time-are-you-coming-back's. I mean for fucks sake just say when you're leaving for your trip and when r u coming back! You think I'll only do 'wrong' things when you're gone?!

So if I could get one wish this Christmas to come true, I wish for love and all that love brings. Because God knows this world needs so much more then what we have of it right now. I wish that angels hear the cry of a boy and brings this simple request to the foot of the One that created heaven and earth. And then maybe, just maybe, this Christmas would be the best one ever.

Random Musing

Ok so I tried to make the shift from blogspot to livejournal. Didnt really like it there tho. Too many functions and gadgets and whats-nots. Maybe I'm just an old fashion kindda guy, liking my blog to just be that - a blog.

I guess the one upside that livejournal has is the friends only function. At least there I get to choose who gets to view what. Blogspot has always been a very public place in my opinion. You'll never know who's lurking behind that IP address. One only hopes to not out himself to someone you're not suppose to!

Anyway its been ages, once again, since I last blogged. I would love to blame it all on work and the lack of time thereof, but I know the truth is that I've actually lost the discipline to write. Been reading up on some of my old post and man, do I feel waves of nostalgia hitting me. How I miss some of those times! I read an article recently and it said that memory was the most precious thing us humans have. Without memories, we would have nothing to live for. How true is that, huh!

Well just to share a little gossip with you (and also for me own memory :P), me and the bf went to a gay massage last weekend for the first time. After hours of research and reading up forums on how these things go, we finally thought we were ready and knew what to expect. Evidently not! No hanky-panky stuff happened during the massage but man, at the sauna was a whole different story. Suffice to say, it was exciting yet dodgy. Wouldnt mind doing it again tho :P We're planning another trip but perhaps to a different massage place cos the one we went to gave me backache the next day :S

Oh and I'm in the process of quitting smoking too. Stopped about 5 months back with a few relapse but currently back on track. Man i have to admit, I really dont want to quit. I remember all those times where I would just step out to my balcony for a puff after a hard day, a retreat to my little private corner. Smoking always gave me a moment to clear my head - that 5 minutes of quiet solitude when i can just relax and not think about anything in particular. I guess there's also that certain amount of sex appeal that I'm missing. Sex doesnt feel complete now without that cigarette at the finale :S Anyho...wish me luck. I guess I just concentrate on the moolah that I'll be saving!