When Bad Things Happen To Good People

When everything is going so well, why do shitty things always happen to me? In a way, i was at fault for being so careless. But is it wrong to love someone so much that you just dont care of the consiquences? Being with him gives me courage that i never thought i had.

Everything has been happening so fast for me in the past one week that i barely have anytime to think things through. Cloud nine found me when i least expected, and now its leaving once again unannounced. Reality pulls me back faster then the apple that fell on Einsteins head leaving me with a bump on the head, or at least i hope thats all it is, just a bump. Just last Thursday i met up with a friend whom i knew was gay but he didnt know that i was, or at least i thought he didnt. We talked for a bit when suddenly he invited me to club with him on saturday to a place i knew was a gay night. Needless to say, i was stunned and shocked. Really, i didnt know what to answer him so i just accepted the offer still on the pretence that i was a straight guy simply going with him to club. The charade didnt last long and in the end everything was out in the open.

We grew fast from friends to something closer, like water that rushing to ground. It was as if we'd known each other for eternity. Something about him makes me feel so comfortable and before i knew it, i was in love. It took initiative on his part to make me aware of such strong feelings but finally when it happened, i was like a plant hooked on the golden rays of the sun for survival. Nothing could have been more perfect.

When they say good things dont last forever, i didnt think that it would be that true so soon. Cutting to the chase, my parents kindda found out about us. When my dad confronted me about my sexuality i was a mess. I know i should have denied it with all my heart, but i just didnt have the strength to lie anymore. How long would i have to keep making up excuses just to keep them satisfied? In the end what came out was some half-hearted attempt to avoid the question. I was such an idiot and now i sit here waiting for the wrath of their anger to fall upon me.

Why do people discriminate? Or find it hard to accept a person for who they really are? Is it really called love when someone demands that a person sacrifice their happiness just so they can be at ease again and fit in the mould? I admit i'm terrified! He did hint on disowning me and i have no idea what he's capable of doing so yes, i'm afraid. But somewhere in the back of my mind and deep in my heart, i'm also hurt, angry and confused. Dont you think that it was much, much more harder for me to accept my own sexuality then it will be for you? Did u think the journey was easy? Or that i woke up one day and decided 'Hei i think i shall be gay and face oppression, rejection, and persecution for eternity', as if it was a choice of chicken or beef?

It was this same confusion that sent me into depression a few years ago. The inability to go on with life, the longing desire to just end it all with a slit to the wrist. Nobody knew of the time i locked myself up in my room, holding the blade to my wrist for hours just trying to draw up the courage to end it all. But i found true courage and decided to go on living. I found true strength to accept the things i cannot change, and i found true determination when i decided to put myself out there to search for love, despite everything. I only hope i find true courage once again. And baby, our love keeps me going. Thank you dearly for the support you've shown and the advice you've given. You are the light in my darkness. I love you.