Goodbye

Hey guys...thanks for your feedback n sorry i'm so shit in replying comments. I'll be moving to livejournal from now on. Those interested in my pathetic life can ask me for my add..lol

It was a good journey but a new chapter awaits

Sometimes

Sometimes I just wish you'd show a little more interest in me. Like when I told you about the huge issue at work, I wished you'd ask me to elaborate. Instead you just continued on with you. And I'm left wishing.

Leona

If Rihanna's Take A Bow is the ultimate break-up song this season, then Leona Lewis's Better In Time is the perfect band-aid.

Btw, dont judge Leona by Bleeding Love. Tho the song was great and all, it didnt really show this girls potential. To know how good she really is, go check out youtube clips on X-Factor where she was discovered. Then you'll have respect for this girl.

Contra Mechanism

My body is a funny thing. I used to be able to do 40 push-ups in a set but not carry more then 10kg in a bench press. Now i'm able to bench press about 25kgs but not able to do more then 20 push-ups anymore.

:S

Anyone know why?

Freedom? NOT!

I'm devastated! Not only am i gonna miss the 3 days Labour Day party, I gonna have to give Freedom PD a miss too! Ok so i dont really mind Labours Day cos frankly speaking...i've not yet obtained that elusive six pack and i dont wanna appear in anything less than fabulous LOL (oh my the inner diva speaks :P) But to miss 3 huge names in Freedom is just soul crushing. Why oh why didnt they just let me finish 4 days earlier!?!?!?!?! And i have the feeling that everyone will be so partied out that nobodys gonna accompany me on my drunken escapades anymore after that :(

Take A Bow

I absolutely adore Rihanna's new song, Take A Bow. Call me a cynic but i have a feeling its gonna be popular amongst the gay community :)

Just hope i wont have to sing it one day

Don’t tell me you’re sorry 'cause you’re not,
Baby when I know you’re only sorry you got caught,
But you put on quite a show
Really had me goin',
Now it’s time to go
Curtain’s finally closin',
That was quite a show
Very entertaining,
But it’s over now
Go on and take a bow

Melancholy

Yearning to appreciate the past
Cos what we had was good
And time has passed us by so fast
But in your town i saw, once stood

Broken Hearts, Broken Lives

Hillsongs
So You Would Come

Before the world began
You were on His mind
And every tear you cry
Is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Nothing you can do
Could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done
Could make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the Word
The power of His blood
Everything was done
So you would come

_________________________________________

They played this song yesterday at the Easter presentation. Such a beautiful song. I remember it as one of my favorites when i was young. Each words so true that it embodied all my struggles. It still does.

Suddenly, i find myself asking 'What am I living for?'

Its true i constantly find myself battling between choices. It isnt the fact that one road is worn and well-used while the other less traveled, but more so that both roads are equally winding and have consequences that will hurt the people that I love very much. And both choices will hurt me eventually.

Today someone told me i'm very lucky to be attached to such a great guy. I wonder if thats really true. After all, i might end up breaking his heart. Sometimes one is pushed to do things that he does not want to. I've tried to push matters aside for as long as i can, but i can only delay what has to eventually be decided. The worst part is my heart is also unsure. If you ask me, i think that he's unlucky to be attached to me.

I used to ask God, 'If you did not want me this way, why make me like this? I certainly did not choose this path. It chose me.'

And in my quiet moments, the answer actually came to me. It wasnt one that i liked, certainly not one i hoped to hear, but the quiet voice in my head said 'God did the same thing. He came down to die for your mistakes. He could have easily turned his face from you, and yet he came.'

Because of His great love
He gave His only Son

Another chapter of my life is about to be complete. The pages have been written, and the conclusion almost made. I have to decide soon of how i want to start the next chapter of my life. I pray for wisdom and courage.

If Only

Ungu
Lagu Cinta

Di saat waktu berhenti
Mengikuti semua langkah-langkahku
Kau adalah satu satunya
Yang kuharap hadir dalam hidupku

Di saat mentari berhenti
Mencoba menghangati tubuhku
Kau adalah satu-satunya
Yang kutunggu hadir dalam jiwaku

Menerangi setiap sudut ruang hatiku
Memberikan kekuatan dalam setiap langkahku

Lagu cinta untukmu
Dari lubuk hatiku
Yang akan slalu ku nyanyikan
Sampa akhir hidupku

Lagu rindu untukmu
Dari dasar jiwaku
Yang akan slalu ku nyatakan
Di seluruh hidupmu

______________________________________________

If only my words were as sweet to describe our love
<3

For The Love Of V-Day

Its been 4 days past the much anticipated V-Day. And maybe the word 'anticipated' isn't the choice for everybody. But for me it was because for the first time, i had someone to celebrate it with. Somehow i always manage to miss those special occasions in all my past relationships, give or take a birthday or two.

But this year was different. So far I've looked past Christmas in a lovers embrace, shared a New Year's kiss and celebrated both our birthdays together. V-day no longer needed an organised gathering of the singles and a night ending in drunken stupor. This year, i had him to hold my hand as we made sweet, sweet love.

So when he asked me what should we do on that day, I stupidly replied nothing.

'Its just another over-commercialized day aimed to generate more money' I said.

-.-

And he took my word for it.

-.-

So we ended up celebrating Valentines in Kim Gary and later watched the finale of The Amazing Race Asia at home. (which was totally awesome btw cos Singapore won...such a lovely couple)

Of course I really wasn't bothered much about the lack of romance for that day because as much as I'd like to place sentiment on it, V-day just doesnt do anything for me. Unfortunately, I'm not the dinner and flowers kindda guy. However, what disappointed me was the lack of effort.

But this disappointment didn't cross my mind until he brought up the notion of buying a laptop. Now one of the key reason why we decided not to celebrate V-day was because we didnt want to spend unnecessary money on an over-priced dinner and here he was suggesting buying a 4k laptop. Of course he said that he needed it for work but the selfish part of me reasoned that if he didnt need one for 2 years, he certainly didnt need it now. Sure it would be a convenience, but definitely not a necessity.

And then he said something that made my blood boil.

'I didnt know I needed to show you physically how much I love you'.

Of course i was angry. Are you calling me a money sucking tramp?!?!

But it also got me thinking. Is this really who I'm becoming? Am I slowly morphing into that kind of person that I swore I'll never be? What happened to the guy who was contented with what he has?

The truth is I still am the same person I was before. I've always been me, what you see is what you get. Even my best friend knows you cant control the things that pops up in my brain from stumbling out my mouth, even if it means chaos. But one thing I've always placed importance in is landmark. Events marked by a special occasion. Occasions I can look back upon and smile and remember of good times.

I dont ask you to lavish me with gifts of gold or food fit for a king. All I've ever wanted and ever will is your love. But with love comes effort. And the effort to make an event a special occasion is worth much more then anything your money can ever buy. So you see my bf is 90% sugar and spice and everything nice but 10% a total duh.

So right now he's going crazy planning our anniversary and is expecting me to fly off with him to (suggested location: Singapore, Langkawi, Sabah) over the weekend to celebrate the occasion.

Crazy!

I have a thesis to finish writing ok. Plus my parents will totally kill both you and me if they ever found out. But I do appreciate the effort you're putting in now, even if its wayyyy overboard.

Because the flame of romance will one day die out, and if we're not careful and continue to be complacent, we might forget how to light that candle once again. And that would be a tragedy.

A Poor Man's Tale

Thank God CNY is coming up! Or else i'll have to satiate my hunger with mere grass and fresh air for the whole of next month.

Just blew a whooping RM250+ for my baby's birthday.

Lets start with dinner at La Bodega. OMG i just love that place! The food was a refreshing change from the usual pasta/pizza/kim gary dinners that we always have. Lucky i choose the right tapas as they all came with amazing sauces to dip our bread in. That alone almost filled us up (or me at least). Topped it up with a paella for two. Was really surprised how flavorful the rice was. By the end of the night, my face had almost turned the exact same shade as the wine we ordered...so shy! But it was such a wonderful experience. This memory made sweeter knowing that we're almost to our 1 year mark :)

Total damage for the night? RM175

Next was a shirt that i paid for him from FOS. Wasnt meant to be a pressie as he needed it for work, but i was afraid we wouldnt make it for dinner on his birthday as he was busy being choi san at work. Shirt cost RM60. Plus we ate at Sushi King for tea and the bill came up to RM35?

And i really wanted to get a shirt from TopMan that cost RM166. Its so out of my reach now.

Shit!!!!!!!!

I'm so broke! :'(

The Dream

He opened his eyes to find the house filled with people. They were sitting all around him - all silent, all dressed in black. He tried to catch their gaze, but those that looked up only looked past him. Their faces were etched with sorrow but it wasn't the kind of grief that one does for a good friend or a loved one. This was more of sadness at having to go through death.

Unable to get anyones attention, he decided to wonder the house. The people that filled it were all strangers to him. Some bore semblance to people he might have known, but none really showed any recognition of him. And so he walked on. Down a dimly lit corridor until he reached another section of the house.

It was a huge hall. Again like the other, the room was filled with people shuffling about. They all looked to the center of the room, staring at the black coffin that laid amongst a bed of brightly coloured flowers. With small steps, he slowly made his way towards it.

Funny how the room seems much smaller now, he thought to himself as he approached the coffin. In just a few steps, he found himself beside the polished black box. Suddenly the air was still and the crowd that was there a moment ago disappears, leaving just him and the black box in front of him.

The lid was up, inviting him to have a peek. He took a second to consider before tiptoeing and leaning forward to have a look. He was greeted by his own reflection, only his reflection had his eyes closed. It took him a moment before he could register what was going on, and then the fear came along with a gasp as he woke up.

2008

let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don’t you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
in these small hours,
these small hours still remain

let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don’t mind
if it’s me you need to turn to
we’ll get by,
it’s the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now

in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but these small hours
with these small hours, still remain,
they still remain
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain

~Rob Thomas
Little Wonders

A note to myself: As we celebrate the passing of another year and wonder whats in store in the next, learn to live for the moment. Take time to breath and appreciate the little wonders happening all around. Think twice before acting and let bygones be bygones. Most importantly, live a life you'll be proud to look back upon.

I guess one could say this is my resolution for 2008

When Your Gone

I miss you so much baby
that i sometimes wish u didnt have to go away
...at least not at a time like this
but still it cant be helped
and you really do deserve this trip
so i'm sitting here hoping u'll have a great time
whilst wishing u'd come home quick into my arms again
until then, i'd just continue to listen
to the playlist that i made for you
when I went away the last time

with love
k

Funny Flash

http://www.endofworld.net/

The One Less Travelled By

Oh rest my weary soul lay down,
in these green pastures sleep
Put down the burdens of the world,
let God be placed the weight
For men can only see so far,
learn yet 'naught understand a thing
Oh rest defeated one and sleep,
and sleep the night away

And dream of dreams of yesterdays,
of times of youth of innocence
And dream the dreams of childish games,
of paper boats that sinks with rain
Of rain that is the tears of God,
he cries for all the anguished pains
Of crushes and love and deceit,
of confusion and hatred and lies

This canvas that he has painted,
is filled with colours from his world
A life which he had tried to hide,
by distance placed between the two
Come now dont put the blame on me
for what you cannot comprehend
Two roads diverged into the woods
and I took one less travelled by

And that has made all the difference.

HEROIC AGE

OMG HEROIC AGE OWNS!
....especially the ending

If you're into anime, go watch this series.

You can watch it free from crunchyroll too.

Good luck not getting addicted

Funny how i never mentioned i loved you once while i still could.
Or thanked you for everything that you did for me.
Or the sacrifices that you made.

Funny how i always swore to get to know you better.
To learn the language that would connect us together finally.

And i hope you got my little hints through the small deeds that i did do.
I hope you know that i indeed appreciate you even though i never knew how to say it out loud.
I hope you know that i love you.

Its only now when your gone,
when i look through clear glass at your face while you slept on that i realise of so much more i could have done.

I keep remembering the way you smiled, of how my heart would light up knowing you were happy. For your life was filled with much pain. The fragile body in which you were trapped in made days hard to go by. I only pray that you can finally rest in the Lord, and that you are as peaceful as you looked.

Even now the reality of it all is just beginning to sink it. I didnt realise it would hurt this much now that you're gone. I keep wishing every minute that i can just turn back the hands of time. To see you one last time, to talk to you, to hold your hands.

Now the tears start flowing. The ache in my heart that i felt for these two days seem to just pour out. How is it that i would never be able to see you anymore. That the last time saw you would be the last time ever. Now all i have in remembrance is just a picture of you in the wall. And the only chance i would get to speak to you would be to your grave.

I love you Amah, i hope you know that.

Proton

A funny vid i got from the bf.

Firstly, an apology for my tardy blogging these few months days. If you don't already know, i'm officially a member of the i-stay-in-a-jungle club now (on weekdays, that is) and have yet to get my internet sorted.

One good thing about moving into a town so small that the mighty Starbucks has not even invaded this place is of course the quality of life. Because the population of this area is so small, pollution is at its minimal. Greenery has never filled my life so much. The air here is so much fresher you can practically see the oxygen. Yup my friends, the oxygen level here is SO dense that it practically wraps this small lil' town that i now reside in with a layer of smog that you can clearly see. Ahh...the smell of fresh air. Healthy lifestyle here i come.
*if you didnt sense the sarcasm, I'm telling you thats what that was just now.

Bottom line is i cant believe such a small town would be so fucking polluted! Grrr...

Oh and i just watched Hairspray. John Travolta in drag? How can i miss this one! If you partially liked Dreamgirls but found it a tad tedious and too draggy, dont worry. Hairspray is the perfect ten to shows the likes of Dreamgirls. Totally opposite. You wont even notice time flying by, and thats good considering its one of the rare full 2 hour movies being churned out now. Think High School Musical with plenty of feet-tapping (that is if you've not already sprang out of your chair and burst out dancing along) and funny moments. This show is definately top notch in my books. I'm even thinking of getting the DVD as well (a feat for someone like me who hardly bothers watching the same movie twice). This show is definately...groovy, as they put it in the 60s.

Would love to elaborate more but i've got to get back to packing my things for the jungle now. Its gonna be a long week.

Happy Monday Blues everybody :P