Viva La Dance

A friend of mine loaned me QAF season 1 a few months back and until today, i have yet to watch pass the first episode of the whole season. Okok before u start throwing stones at me, let me at least explain myself. You see, QAF is indeed a really great series no doubt but the problem was i watched the first 3 episodes of the UK version a few years back now and it has the exact same storyline as its American counterpart. After watching for about half hour of the US version i grew bored and nvr continued...that is until today.

I was doing some studying and after awhile i needed a serious break but there wasnt anything nice on astro. I hate wasting my break time watching programs i dont like so i decided to give QAF another try. I skipped straight to episode 3 and now i'm hooked. I've only watched 2 episodes today but the one thing thats really hit me is gay guys really know how to party! I mean watching those scenes where they're in Babylon, i can just see the energy and sexual tension oozing from the screen. And the best part is i know thats exactly how its like in REAL LIFE gay clubs as well. Given, we dont have those almost naked sex gods dancers here in Msia, but the rest of the crowd is exactly the same in my opinion. Thats why i love going to gay clubs.

Unless you do the shuffle, its rare to see any straight guys really going at it, dancing and swaying to the music in clubs. The last group of friends i used to club with, well i was almost always the only guy really moving to it with the girls while the rest of the guys just have this gentle sway that they always do. So obviously to take the attention off me, i started to make sure that everytime i danced, it was to a girl. Funny how grooving along shaking that ass in a group makes you gay but when u get down and dirty with a girl, u're da man.

Well needless to say, i was pretty lost when i finally did go to my first gay club here in Msia (Lq). The club was packed full with guys but to my horror, i found that i could not dance with a guy! Its sad to say but its true...my first time in a gay club in Msia and the only person i got dirty with was my friend (and she's a girl!). Of course i've had adequate training since so thats no longer a problem, thank god! Of course now arises the fact all gay boys dances like blardy professionals that i feel somewhat intimidated everytime i club...but that is easily cured with loads and loads of alcohol so its not really a problem either.


Hmm...arms are starting to twitch.

Is that my head bobbing?

Damn all this talk of clubbing is making my feet itchy.

Must.Resist.Temptation.

Goodbye

We always hurt the ones we love the most.

Disillusioned, i thought we could go our separate ways amicably. Two lovers walking down two separate paths thats parallel, to be apart yet never far. I failed to see that while i may choose the path parallel to his, he's choosen a path that goes the other way. Disillusioned.

So i've promised myself i wont let anyone see the tears anymore. I made the choice so its my burden to carry. Strange enough i was confused at the things he was doing. Is it payback? Is he trying to hurt me? But i've stopped caring about those things. I used to care, used to feel hurt whenever he did those things because i guess i loved him. But i have to stop the caring now, and in a sense, i think the loved went with it.

I remember that when i first started writing here, i promised myself no more emo stuff. And sometimes i get scared at the amount of things i reveal about myself here. So i'm officially closing this chapter of my life. Tomorrow is a new day, and with it i hope brings a new adventure.

Somewhere Over This Rainbow

Somewhere over the rainbow
way up high
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams you dare to dream
Really do come true

Someday i'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
Thats where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't i?
Someday i'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
Thats where you'll find me

Isnt It Funny?

What is this feeling?
This gaping hole
This empty void
This tainted heart
This pain sensation
This ache inside

I wish i could reach in
and rip it out.
To rid of this thing
that causes too much pain.
They say love hurts
well they fucking lied
for this isnt hurt
its death in disguise.

Funny how i wanted you so bad the first time i saw you. I saw the joy in ur eyes, the laughter in ur smile. The casual glances you threw my way on occasions when we did meet made my heart flutter. Till now i still cant believe we're together, that fate actually brought us to this point. In each others arms we found happiness.

Funny how i sit at home alone now, thinking what went wrong. Thinking of the things we shared, of our futures we talked about. Of the time we talked about our dreams, our aspirations and our goals. To grow old together and never being apart. To make plans for the weekends, to lose money to Uncle Lim. In each others arms we found comfort.

Funny how one little action can cause such a big change. To let go of something so precious, so beautiful, because of something so small. But its the little things that matters. Its the little things that moves bigger things. And i cant bear the hurt again, i really cant.

Bottled Up

I use to think that i was a very open person. I thought that i'd prefer sharing my problems instead of keeping them all inside whenever i'm going through a rough patch. I dont anymore.

I'm not sure if this is really who i've been all this time or maybe i'm just becoming more and more reserve as life passes me by. I say life because it just seems as though the more challenges life throws at me the more i harden the shell around me, making it stronger then it was before - more impenetrable until even my friends cant break through.

I know of someone whom u could call the strong silent type and we were pretty close once.

I remember asking him before 'Dont you ever grow tired of keeping everything to yourself?'.

'Whats the use of telling? I dont want to trouble others with what i'm going through so i just put on this happy mask'. That was his response.

I didnt agree with him at that time...but somewhere along the line i've become that person. I've become the person that refuses to let people in so easily anymore. Afraid that if they do, they'll see the insecurities in me, the fear and the uncertainty. Even the bf is kept at bay sometimes when i'm at my most vulnerable. I guess its always easier to let people see the happier side.

I know that i need to be strong. To be the dependable one for the ones i care and love because there is no where else to look. So i try to bottle things up inside, hoping that if no one see's my troubles they would assume that everything is alright and maybe, just maybe i could convince myself that everything really is alright too. But sometimes the dam breaks. Alittle crack here and there, and sudddenly the pressure becomes too much and everything comes out. Suddenly it seems that the weight of the whole world rests upon your shoulder and you dont know where to turn to. That one day was today.

But dont ask me if i'm fine, because i'll say yes. Dont push me to tell, because i'll just smile. Just know that inside is a raging river that i'm trying to tame. So if i sound distant somedays, if i seem distracted with something, just know that i'm working things out internally and give me time. This boy is a work-in-progress slowly adapting to the life of adulthood. Hopefully everything will turn out alright in the end.

Armani/Armanee

Its not everyday i blog with coffee next to me, sitting on a sofa chair, killing myself bending forward to type on a laptop on a coffee table much too low for comfort, using wireless connection. Yes, today marks my first day blogging/surfing in Starbucks.

Me and a few friends decided to go to the Curve Starbucks today to finish our assignments as we all agreed no work could be done at home. On the way there we stopped by the show units at Damansara Perdana to check out the super luxurious condos ie Armanee Terrace 2 up for sale now to get alittle inspiration to study harder. Omg! I cant believe how amazing those units look. Cant believe Malaysia is heading towards that concept. Its awsome!

Of course, we were pretty shy to just walk in there and ask the sales agent to show us around so we had to have an excuse to view the units. Since my two friends have been there before and were afraid the sales agent would recognise them, i decided to pretend to be the one whose parents were considering purchasing a unit there thus asking me to view the place for my opinion. I must admit, playing rich was nice and I so rock at being rich hahaha...Anyone staying in Armanee Terrace 1 pls pls pls let me have a look at ur house. I promise i will forever be indebted to u lol. It was hard holding a straight face looking so unfazed while my jaw was actually below my knee drooling saliva over the lush carpet and expensive furniture. Acting is serious hard work ya know.

Anyways, with all the inspiration in us, we headed to Curve and on with our work. Another friend dropped by from work and i couldnt resist hitting the shops with him. He's also a shopperholic but straight. I showed him the t-shirt i wanted to get from British India and the first words he uttered were 'Dude u look so gay in that shirt'. I'm taking that as a compliment and now i'm so buying it lol. He probably suspects me now tho cos shortly after we came back he was going through the pics on my other friends camera and saw the shots of me and the bf that we took in Genting. Talk about bad timing. Anybody with half the brains would have guessed it straight away. Anyway he had this weird/puzzled look on him too lol so funny. Was contemplating telling him but...nah i'll just leave it for another time.

Watched a movie later after dinner at SakeSushi but i wont even talk about it. We watched Frostbiten...enough said. Such a waste of money and time.

Dead Meat

Today i saw a dead sparrow outside my lab while i was smoking.

And then i coughed.

Wonder if i've got bird flu?

Hmm...

*blink blink*



sry ppl this is what staring at the screen the whole day does to me.

My Beach Romance

Winter brings a chilly wind
Summer's gone, no summer breeze
Sands so fine escape my hands
I look upon the moonlit seas

You rush to shore
and then retreat.
I wonder why
you cant decide.
To come or go
To stay or leave
So many years
You're still like this.

Each time your foamy hands climb alittle higher
and i think you're really trying harder
to make things mean alittle deeper
you recede once again
to that same old place you first came

I wont believe you
the next wave
Cos i know its gonna be the same again
Dont say words that you dont mean
Trust can easily float away
away
away

Show Me The Money

I.REALLY.NEED.TO.STUDY!

Now with that out of the way, lets get on with blogging.

Unfortunately the good life has indeed distracted me from my blog and utterly destroyed my determination to blog everyday. One would think that with 9 days of holidays (all thanks to our Hindu and Muslim friends) surely i could squeeze in at least one miserable day just to write. I guess the bf, Grey's Anatomy, ANTM, OTH and most of all, shopping tops the chart of my daily to-do list.

Well since i'm here now, lets try to see if we can just combine the top priorities with writing. I'll start of with shopping i guess since that's wat i have been doing the most for the past one month (week). I really dont know y i keep doing it, seeing that i'm really broke and cant even afford the cheapest thing available right now! Please somebody, tell me y i put myself in this torture! Theres a gorgeous shirt in Topman i really want, shoes, underwear and belt from Zara, jeans and more shoes from Miss Sixty, a t-shirt from British India not to mention many many other clothes from every other shop which i cant fit cos they're all too blardy big for me. Sigh...at moments like this i really hate my size. My parents on the other hand are rejoicing.

Once in awhile, i do dream of aquiring a couple of millions by luck. Maybe a relative somewhere dies leaving me a fortune in his/her will, or my parents suddenly telling me that they're actually millionairs and that they've only been in disguise as poor people for my protection and now i'm filthy rich, or even winning a lottery (this is a tough one because i dont even buy the lottery...but fingers crossed). Watching Greys Anatomy doesnt help either considering that the oh-so-pretty Dr Stevens just got like 8.7 mil from her fiance who passed away. I really hate to taint their relationship with money like that because it was such a sad story. I like her so much more then Meredith (that whore) but girl, ITS 8.7 MILLION DOLLARS! Sigh...

Watching the new season of ANTM, it is to my opinion that AJ should just win this competition hands down. With a face like that and her consistency in striking amazing poses, not to mention she still looks like a model even without hair and make-up, i just cant imagine anyone else winning it. Seriously that girl can probably make me fall in love with a girl...maybe not, but she is definately hot! And she has that wow factor in her too. Everytime i watch her strut her stuff, i just seeth in jealousy wishing i could be like that. And then i watch Project Runway, and change my mind and wish i could be a designer instead...or maybe a pilot...or an interior designer. Yes i know i really cant make up my mind but u cant blame me, i read in this horoscope book about Librans and found out that its already set in the stars we're made to be fickle. It also said a whole bunch of other stuff so true and really defined who i was that i was almost convinced there may be something to astrology as i've never really believed in these kind of stuff before.

My bf is confusing. And he thinks alot. I've always thought that i was the thinker, but it turns out that he thinks even more then me. Plus he reads into things, then keeps it to himself. He doesnt realise this but i do notice when something bugs him. I can tell by the way he stiffens himself and i know he holds back what he wants to say. We always tell each other to be honest and to just say what is on our minds, but i dont think thats possible. There have been bumps in our relationship, but i think we've both been strong in facing these adversities. Thats what keeps us together. I really hope to just take things as it is and enjoy the moments we share together and hopefully, forever is not just wishful thinking.

Oh btw, just want to say that Open Season is hillarious! Go watch.

Tick Tock

Peruse the many online profiles on sites like Friendster or myspace or even fridae and you will find reading choosen as a hobby quite often. I wonder however, how many amongst these people actually do have time to read in this age where everything moves at warp speed and deadline's literally mean its time to die! With competition soaring high and job vacancies scarce, so much to do and so little time, everybody is swamped with work now that we might as well scrap the word hobby from the dictionary. I mean, who the hell has time for these sort of things anymore?

I have a book (Angels and Demons by Dan Brown) which i bought 2 months ago during my holiday and its still lying on the shelf in the same plastic bag it came with and i honestly have not had the time to even glance at it. I bet the receipt is still there as well! In my opinion, we have pushed ourselves to the point bordering on insanity. In our quest to improve life, our drive to succeed is now driving us instead. Does that make sense?

I've always wondered that if someone were to step back in time and observe people from before, will we be able to say that 'Yes, the people of today are really more happy then those living from the past.'? If the answer is no, what the hell are we doing?!?!?! Honestly, the only time i had to do my reading was while i was in uk, and that was only because i skipped classes too blardy often...okok it was more like i nvr went for classes. Believe me, the price to pay was high!

The joy of reading for me is that i get to go to another place, though not necessarily a better one, but one that allows me to forget the worries i face currently. One may call it a form of escapism i guess. But if you dont already know this, life's a bitch. Between juggling between classes, labs, assignments, family, friends and boyfriend, there seem to be no time for reading! Thats y i stopped filling in the hobbies part on these kindda things. Doesnt matter if i have any, its not like i have the time to actually do it.

Ok so in the end, this whole post is just about me ranting of my lack of time. Maybe its just poor time management on my part, and i'm pretty sure the bf will comment on this...hmphh, but at the end of the day, i just wanna finish my book! Not too sure how long i can hold off anymore before buying another one and i'll hate to spend more money on books before i can even finish reading the previous one. Hopefully the book's good tho because it was recommended by a friend. I didnt find Da Vinci Code that interesting but Deception Point was alright.

If only i could turn back time

I'm with you on that one Aqua!


ps : what happened to u guys btw...sigh. I loved cartoon heros!

Perfect Day

Seems like life has been quite kind to me recently. After a certain dramatic period of time, things have finally mellowed down, and i'm taking full advantage of it not to mention enjoying the moments. Me and the boyfriend managed to squeeze in more then a few precious moments to be together despite our hectic and forever colliding schedule and i guess this has made us treasure the times we share together even more, although i dont really show it :( I've been told countless of times that i can be quite unemotional sometimes but the ex and now the current. Is that bad? hmm...

Anyway, we watched John Tucker Must Die on friday. The movie was ok i guess, something to fill your time with if u're just seeking for light hearted moments. Be prepared to laugh tho cos u'll need to put alittle effort in it. This movie is not the kind where u'll really find it funny so a little mental preparation is needed. Its so sad that good comedies are hard to find nowadays...sigh. On the brighter note, Jesse Matcalfe is soo goodlooking! Plus the locker room scene is probably worth the whole 11 bucks we paid for the movie...lol. And Sophia Bush stars in this show as well so another plus. I think she has this really husky sexy voice plus this exotic look. For all those who dont know her, shes on One Tree Hill as well so go check her out (and while u're at it u might as well check Chad Michael Murray cos he's hot too lol).

On Saturday, we watched World Trade Center. I wasnt so keen on this movie (American propoganda) but i guess i went because of the people. Had a house party after that so though we might as well just join them for movie too. Well i was right. The movie was such a let down. I cant really say where they went wrong but in the end i just didnt relate to the movie at all. I was left emotionless and totally clueless about what the main plot of the movie was all about. Maybe they should rename it to something like 'Saving 2 officers from WTC' or 'What i did when WTC collapsed on me' or something to that effect. That would have been more appropriate i think.

Anyway, the weekends over once again. I'm so not looking forward to monday classes anymore now that lab has started. Nobody should have 9-5 classes on a Monday...EVER! This semester is however, starting to look quite promising. Been quite consistent in revisions and i really, really pray that i can keep this up till exams! I have to admit i've been having quite strong determination this time to see things through, but everytime i meet someone who says they're from advertising or designing (been meeting quite afew ppl in those line recently, interesting bunch of ppl) and tell me their job scope or their class schedule, i cant help but to just bash my head against the wall and cry out 'Why?'. Hopefully i'll like my job next time, but until i do i shall just wail and complain to the poor bf about the poor choices and multiple lack of judgements i've made in my life. Dont know which is worse? To be me or to be him...lol.

If Only

I waited for bluebirds to sing
but i hear blackbirds crow
I waited for bells to ring

but i heard

the silence of the night
and the wailing of the wind on an empty sky

Where there is land, is where i want to step.
To go places i've not seen, to see places i've not been.
But this journey is long and the lesson hard.
To appreciate the moment but not drown in it.
To move forward yet keep one foot back.
Caution thrown in the wind,
and comes back with a slap.

The tide grows strong,
I have to be firm.
Because even fishes drown in the sea.
Swing the mighty sword around,
Its blades will cut you one day.

The bird escapes from its cage.
Try as you may,
you cant catch it.
Freedom has a price to pay,
its you, its you i'm coming for one day.

It is official, Devil Wears Prada is now the best movie of the year in my books. I really dont care if its just a mindless chick flick, that movie rocks...lol All that fashion, glitter, and models in one simple 2 hour movie, one cant ask for much more then that. Not to mention Meryl Streeps stunning performance as this power lady and Ann Hathaway as the once again innocent two faced bitch. Really who on earth would fall for that 'Oh i'm so innocent and oblivious that i dont even know i'm a stunning, gorgeous lady whom everybodys falling for!' line over and over again? But i dont blame her...every good movie needs a slut, so well done Ann Hathaway!

On the other hand, i just watched The Notebook as well last night and was really touched by the simplicity of the story and the depth of love between them, especially on Noah's side. It wasnt so much the love story they shared when they were young but rather the end when Noah stuck by her side while she suffered from Dementia. To slowly watch as the person u love so much forget about you is the hardest thing that could ever happen to anyone. And the end when he slips in her bed after he suffered from another heart attack and she remembers him, and then they die hand in hand, that was such a sweet ending.

Allie : Do you think our love can take us away together?
Duke : I think our love can do anything we want it to.
Allie : I love you.
Duke : I love you too, Allie.
Allie : Goodnight.
Duke : Goodnight. I'll be seeing you.

Thanks Chien for introducing this show.

When Bad Things Happen To Good People

When everything is going so well, why do shitty things always happen to me? In a way, i was at fault for being so careless. But is it wrong to love someone so much that you just dont care of the consiquences? Being with him gives me courage that i never thought i had.

Everything has been happening so fast for me in the past one week that i barely have anytime to think things through. Cloud nine found me when i least expected, and now its leaving once again unannounced. Reality pulls me back faster then the apple that fell on Einsteins head leaving me with a bump on the head, or at least i hope thats all it is, just a bump. Just last Thursday i met up with a friend whom i knew was gay but he didnt know that i was, or at least i thought he didnt. We talked for a bit when suddenly he invited me to club with him on saturday to a place i knew was a gay night. Needless to say, i was stunned and shocked. Really, i didnt know what to answer him so i just accepted the offer still on the pretence that i was a straight guy simply going with him to club. The charade didnt last long and in the end everything was out in the open.

We grew fast from friends to something closer, like water that rushing to ground. It was as if we'd known each other for eternity. Something about him makes me feel so comfortable and before i knew it, i was in love. It took initiative on his part to make me aware of such strong feelings but finally when it happened, i was like a plant hooked on the golden rays of the sun for survival. Nothing could have been more perfect.

When they say good things dont last forever, i didnt think that it would be that true so soon. Cutting to the chase, my parents kindda found out about us. When my dad confronted me about my sexuality i was a mess. I know i should have denied it with all my heart, but i just didnt have the strength to lie anymore. How long would i have to keep making up excuses just to keep them satisfied? In the end what came out was some half-hearted attempt to avoid the question. I was such an idiot and now i sit here waiting for the wrath of their anger to fall upon me.

Why do people discriminate? Or find it hard to accept a person for who they really are? Is it really called love when someone demands that a person sacrifice their happiness just so they can be at ease again and fit in the mould? I admit i'm terrified! He did hint on disowning me and i have no idea what he's capable of doing so yes, i'm afraid. But somewhere in the back of my mind and deep in my heart, i'm also hurt, angry and confused. Dont you think that it was much, much more harder for me to accept my own sexuality then it will be for you? Did u think the journey was easy? Or that i woke up one day and decided 'Hei i think i shall be gay and face oppression, rejection, and persecution for eternity', as if it was a choice of chicken or beef?

It was this same confusion that sent me into depression a few years ago. The inability to go on with life, the longing desire to just end it all with a slit to the wrist. Nobody knew of the time i locked myself up in my room, holding the blade to my wrist for hours just trying to draw up the courage to end it all. But i found true courage and decided to go on living. I found true strength to accept the things i cannot change, and i found true determination when i decided to put myself out there to search for love, despite everything. I only hope i find true courage once again. And baby, our love keeps me going. Thank you dearly for the support you've shown and the advice you've given. You are the light in my darkness. I love you.

I cant believe happiness like this exists

Confused.Disappointed.Unsure

Recently i've been going out on dates with people whom i've met online. Not the usual me to do so but i figured its about time i started meeting real people and hopefully meet that special someone to share my life with. In the end, all these meets have left me more confused then ever.

Have you ever wanted something so bad in life that it clouds your judgment? To be so sure that you'll find happiness once you obtain it but when you finally do, something just seems amiss? I have to admit that i've been feeling lonely these past few months. Seeing couples around me doing the things i only hope to do one day, holding hands, hugging, watching movies - they all look so happy and contented. I thought to myself that if I ever do find that someone to love, I will be just like them. I would finally find my peace and the world would look right again. I was wrong.

Even though we went out on a date, had dinner, watched a movie (even holding hands), the usual stuff I've been yearning to do, it has all left me feeling empty inside. Leaving his place, I felt more confused then I've ever been. Maybe he isn't the guy for me, and this i knew deep down inside the whole time, but somehow I had expected to at least have some extend of satisfaction after it was all over. Emptiness. That was all i felt. Was it him? Was it me? Is it because I didnt like him?

I dont want to go back to that place i was before again. The uncertainty, the unknown. I thought that I'd figured all that out. I have no feelings for girls sexually and this I know. But somehow being with him didnt work out for me either. He just wasnt the same as the others. To be honest, he wasnt the most straight acting guy i know, neither was he particularly girly acting and maybe its unfair to compare him with my straight friends, but somehow it just wasnt the same. And by he its just the common term for the guys I've met not just one. Somehow i cant help but compare them to the guys I'm used to hanging out with. Maybe its just me thats too damn straight!

Hard as it might be, I think its still not the right time for me to start any kind of relationship with anyone. I'm a wreak and its unfair to inflict the same pain onto others. This need to be loved has to be put aside, the yearning for company locked up, and emotions kept inside again. Until the time comes, when everything feels right and this uncertainty goes away, I guess I'll have to travel this lonely road once more alone. I only hope this journey takes me to you before this brittle body crumbles away and only ashes remain to tell the story of a Romeo without his Juliet.

Touch my heart
and touch my soul
Let me know the things you know
Cos i want to be apart of that secret life
The one you keep deep down inside

A single candle burning bright
In a room filled with darkness
But if a moth finds its way in
My flame will burn your wings
The single candle burns alone

So many places
so many holes
And yet why cant we be alone
The people they cant know
Why dont they just let us be alone

I want you
and i want you
Maybe just you,
or do i choose you?
I just want love
Does it matter who?
Why cant i choose you?
Maybe its not who

The Simple Pleasures of Life

Traversing down the Kepong Highway, gambling our lives on the newly reopened MRR2 with my best bud and his girlfriend in the car heading towards Ulu Yam, its the simple things like this that are truly memoriable. I've always believed that you dont need a fancy holiday with big extravagant resort hotels, or spend hundreds of ringgit to enjoy yourself just as long as you know how to appreciate the moments that go by. This i call the simple pleasures of life...

Of course with simple pleasures comes irritation n wastage of petrol too. What was supposed to be a short half hour drive turned out into nearly an hour and a half all because the organiser failed to get directions before the trip. To quote his words, 'Haiyah no need to ask la, we'll know it when we reach the place'. Well we did indeed find the place, parked the car, stepped to the entrance of it, only to decide that well, it isnt that place. And so we drove on, deciding that it was perhaps just alittle further.

Well just a little further turned to be really far n heading for nowhere. To be honest, the no signal that popped up on all three of our handphones should have been an indication that perhaps we were going the wrong way. Nooo...we all took it as a sign of seclusion and probably in each persons mind thought of discovering a 100 ft waterfall with pristine lakes, maybe an ancient artifact or two littered on the forest floor with huge trees towering over us, shading the forest bed with its gigantic canopy. I just wondered if my 0.9 megapixel handphone camera would take clear enough pictures if we stumble across Bigfoot.

In the end, we came across a spot with coverage n decided to call before we moved forward anymore and came closer to ancient civilization and discovering extinct species. Obviously from his look i knew it had to be the very first camp site we came across on our way here...i mean come on, not the first time something stupid like this has happened before. So turning around and heading back for it we managed to spend about another hour just lazing about by a miserable stream as we just talked and joked. Did i mention that there was some kind of military camp just next to us? Well yeah there was, probably training to hijack a plane and crashing it into some other monumental building, the usual stuff no biggie.

All in all, the trip was alright i guess. Nothing spectacular about the place, but i guess its the company that counts. Like they say, sometimes its not the destination that matters but the journey itself.

'Yes I'll take an order of ONS pls'

Funny how i'm always only in the mood to blog when things get rough and not when everything is going great, no matter how much has happened! Been meaning to talk about the extreme boredom some days were in Penang, or about that rude monkey that flashes his ass to passer-bys, or my very first 4x4 trip into Mersing jungle, but each time i sit infront of my com ready to type nothing comes out. Maybe its because as good as the happy times are, I'd rather know that i survived the bad ones.

Anyway, have been logging on to gay.com quite often now. Currently i'm checking out the peeps and just trying to judge the whole scene. Conclusion? Its a fucking dodgy scene! Seriously almost everybody online is just there for a quick fuck and thats it. Wat happened to dates? Or flirting about? Or even that short period where you go 'Does he like me?'. Since when were they replaced with a simple 'Wanna meet?' which assumes that yes i'll take an order of ONS pls?

I'm really curious about the whole scene in Msia and have been trying to meet ppl as best i can just to hopefully get a group of like-minded friends i can relate to and perhaps get support and guidance from but so far it has been tough. Honestly i dont believe that the whole PLU community in Msia are like this but wherever the good guys are, they're certainly hiding pretty good.

I guess wat they say about guys are true, that we think through our dicks.

Penang Oh Penang

What can i say, I think that one month of me time is too long. Before i came up i thought that it'll be good to have some time alone to reflect back on things and to get my perspective straightened out. But now, me time just means boringgg...lol. I still enjoy the quiet and solitude that penang provides, dont get me wrong. Everyday after work i come back to my aunts place for dinner, play alittle xbox with my cousin, and then head back home to chill. Thank god i had the foresight to bring along my ipod and speakers. On another note, my uncle has got some killer speakers in the apartment but i've got to go get some of those audio converter cables if i wanna use it. Cant wait to test it out...yum yum. Oh and i absolutely have to get better in my gaming skills. Its starting to get embaressing when i keep getting trashed by my 10 yr old cousin at Crash Bandits!

Working has also helped me realised something, that i make a very, very, very bad employee. Seriously, in just barely 4 weeks i've gone for a 4 hours break three times and gone home after lunch twice. Just hope my aunt nvr finds out about it! In my defence, there was really not much to be done. So instead of just wasting my time hanging about, its better if i went back to get a nap so i'd be fully rested for the next day, dont you agree?

Anyway cant wait to be back in KL again. Went back last week to celebrate a friends birthday and also went to Liquid for the first time. Well technically it was my second but the first time i went they were already closing so thats not really considered. Man i cant believe the amount of cute guys in there. Will defo be heading back there again when i get a chance to.

Thats all