Run
Running all the time
Running to the future
With you right by my side

Me
I'm the one you chose
Out of all the people
You wanted me the most
I'm so sorry that I'm falling
Help me up lets keep on running
Don't let me fall out of love

Running, running
As fast as we can
Do you think we'll make it?
(Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
So we don't get separated

Be
Be the one I need
Be the one I trust most
Don't stop inspiring me
Sometimes it's hard to keep on running
We work so much to keep it going
Don't make me want to give up

it's been a good journey.

and like all good journeys, this one might come to its end.

too much tears have fallen.

i dont know how this will end.

and i'm just so tired.

FUCKED AGAIN AND AGAIN

Just when i thought the worst was over, the wind blows and brings me a new storm.

Sometimes i dont know if God sits up there on his throne and deals out turmoil on peoples life just for the fun of it. Sure seems that way to me. I pray for safe journey and thank him for his grace, but he says 'Oh no child, thats just the calm before the storm. Wait till you see what i have in store for you' and snickers.

And i hate it that my holiday is now ruined.

The break i've been looking for in ages has now turned into a warfield once again, and i feel just like a little boat drifting out at sea with an impending doom. I hate what they did to me. They had no rights! Fuck!

Sry if i dont reply ur msg on sms or msn, i've lost all mood for socializing. I wouldnt be much fun anyway.


A lifetime of pain all brought up in an instance
A lifetime of healing all ripped from the seams
A lifetime of thinking all has to be undone
A lifetime of suffering all imminent


FUCK THIS SHIT!

Its Over!

And with that he takes a great leap across the finish line.

The tortures finally over. And my 4 month holiday starts today!

WEEEEEEEE!

I'm so tired right now, my eyes keep closing but i cant sleep. Wanted to get a haircut after exam then take a nap but my hairstylist will only be free at 5pm so i have to wait. Sigh.

K will probably post more later. Brain juice depleted!

Ta

The Final Hurdle

just a little bit more

hope i dont trip at the end

that would be an embarrassment

Captain Procrastinator

Sometimes i hate myself so much

I Have Weird Friends

[Cy] : last nite i had sucha weird dream
[Cy] : like mega weird

kev : what was it about?

[Cy] : i dreamt i was someone else last nite
[Cy] : and i went to the toilet
[Cy] : and shit so damn much
[Cy] : it started accumulating til overflow
[Cy] : the floor all got
[Cy] : my feet was covered with shit!

kev : WTF!

[Cy] : then i somehow kicked all the shit off the toilet floor into the bowl and the floor was damn clean! and my shoes were damn clean also
[Cy] : then i went out
[Cy] : got other stuff but i forgot. but i think someone went into the toilet after that hahahaha and complained abt someone shitting
[Cy] : HAHAHAHAHA


Tell me i'm wrong

-.-

A Breath of Relief

Phewww!

Finally, two papers down. I cant describe just how relieved i am. After a month of seclusion with a daily routine of only two things, study and eat (ok la plus tv and internet too :P), i cant say i'm absolutely pleased with how things went for the two papers but i'm contented. Now its up to fate, luck and God, take your pick.

But as always, the worst is still yet to come. Monday will be my final and toughest paper this semester and i'm absolutely shitting my pants thinking about it. A combination of two subjects into one 3 hour long paper, add one rubbish lecturer and another fucking strict one, and you've got yourself one hell of a time. Literally.

_________________________

My friends dont believe me when i tell them i'm at home.
They call me on fridays and ask me to come out, and when i'm staying home to study....they laugh!

-.-

Dont blame them tho. Tried thinking back to the last time i was at home on a friday night and...nope cant even remember when. Theres just something about fridays that makes you wanna go out and just do something different besides the usual stuff.

The one thing i'm craving the most now is MAHJONG. I have to admit that the hands been getting pretty itchy lately and i cant wait to just play the game whole night long then go out for dim sum breakfast in the morning. Yes yes...i'm becoming such a tai tai.

_______________________

Tried working out today and man, my stamina is gone. Zilch. Nada. Couldnt do the weights i usually do! Couldnt last for more then 3 reps! Thank god i can still last on the cycle machine albeit looking alil zombified by the end of it. This is why i dont wanna join FF, Cali or any other big gyms. I dont get it how some people can run for half hour and still step off looking like a million bucks. NO FAIR!

________________________

Thats it for today. If you've read till here, you've just wasted like 5 minutes of your time with my ramblings. And i probably hate you for actually having time to waste! :P

Relax take it easy

5 Minute Quikie

I shouldnt be doing this, not when exams are just a day away. But i'm so bored i could die. So its either this or well...die. And i'll rather prefer not to die seeing i've missed so much this whole month just preparing for my impending doom (unlike some lucky person whose exams got deferred to a later date! *evil stare).

Been thinking of changing my blog site to either livejournal or xanga because blogspot is so damn slow to log in. Takes up like 5 minutes of my very very very precious time just to get to the sign in page, then another 5 minutes to view the dashboard, AND another 5 minutes to create a new post! Grrr...thats like 15 minutes of my life wasted just waiting. Cant decide tho between livejournal or xanga. But i probably wont change until i have time to learn some webdesigning skills. Cant stand the layouts of both those mentioned sites. So void of erm...personality.

And yes, once again i've been planning my things to do ALREADY for when the holidays come. Dont wanna miss out on doing anything due to poor planning :P So far theres 4 trips booked but the one i'm looking forward most is Bali.

Weeee.......

Cant wait to just chill out and relax once i get there. Not to mention shopping! Can anybody tell me if i can get nice singlets there? Or do i have to get them here before i leave. I plan to be a proper tourist! *giggles*

Bad thing is i'll be going with the parents. Ok so not exactly bad cos they ARE paying for my trip, but i guess no clubbing or drinking or checking out the local gay clubs there this time around. I guess getting hammered will have to wait for when i go to PD. Oh and this time i am so gonna have myself a proper spa experience! I'm so glad my mum brought it up because i told her i'm gonna tag along and thats final. Lol.

Oh man...rejuvenate before regurgitate O.o

Not forgetting my beloved clubs too! How i've missed the sweet sweet beat of trance, the ear shattering boom of bass and the sights of sweaty men. The bf is so gonna pengsan if he ever reads this! He's a protective guy, that bf is. Even suggested that i only go clubbing with him. I just told him that he'd better keep most of his weekends free then :P But i love him to bits!

Well i planned to go on about how sweet he is and all that lovey dovey stuff but i shall not cause any excessive sweet post induced diabetic attacks for today. Besides, its time to get back to the boring stuff again.

Sigh!!!

If only i was Hiro! I could just speed up time at my whim. Ok maybe i cant speed up time yet cos i'm not prepared. Slow it down? Shit i cant stand an additional day of this mental torture. Damnit no wonder i dont have superpowers! I wouldnt be able to use it at all!

Terbaik Untukmu

Aku sadar kalau kini
Kita sudah smakin menjauh
Sempat aku berpikir ini
Kau yg menginginkannya
Lepas dari pelukku

oh kini aku sadari
ini salahku
tak ingin ku terlambat dan sesali

maafkanlah bila ku selalu
membuatmu marah dan benci padaku
ku lakukan itu semua
hanya tuk buatmu bahagia

mungkin ku cuma tak bisa pahami
bagaimana cara tunjukkan maksudku
aku cuma ingin jadi terbaik untukmu

Aku ingin kau tetap di sini bersamaku
Jangan Pergi
Berikan satu kesempatan
Untuk ku membuktikan
sesungguhnya cintaku

~Tangga - Terbaik Untukmu~

Bleh

"with simple words i pray
that this day will quickly pass away"

Kev is bored, uninspired and frustrated!

Sexual Tension

Everybody's preparing for the biggest party of the year.

2 Major Events!

4 Days of dancing!

A thousand sweaty men!

...and i'm gonna be stuck at home studying :'(

Relationship

Read quite a few post on 'gay' relationship recently (or maybe its already so last year, whatever la), so here's my two cents worth.

Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say
I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think
When I let it sink in
It's all over me
I'm lying here in the dark
I'm watching you sleep, it hurts a lot
& all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

All I wanted was to know I'm safe
Don't want to lose the love I've found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don't let me down
It's not fair how you are
I can't be complete, can you give me more?
& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

~Gwen Stefani - 4 In the morning~

OK so its not exactly MY two cents worth, its Gwens. But read the lyrics carefully and you'll see that she's got it right. Relationships take work. In order for it to work two people has to actually want it and give it their all if they really want it to last.

Personally, i dont see what the big deal is about gay or straight relationships or how they differ from each other. As has been debated long and hard by others, straights have exactly the same problems that we have. Maybe the only difference is that we're already cursed with a stereotype - and that is all gays fool around. Maybe that's an excuse we give ourselves whenever we succumb to temptation. I have to admit that is the biggest flaw we have. I can understand how some people would use this to console themselves.

However its not so much the temptation as it is the act itself that matters. Not many guys are willing to give up a hot fuck. I mean lets get real, we're all a bunch of superficial twats. Who in they're right mind would pass a chance to sleep with that 6' 2 hunk with dreamy eyes and abs so chiseled you could sharpen a knife with? The mind instantly starts weighing the pros and cons of cheating. In the end, i assume most would come to the conclusion 'Its a chance of a lifetime! Seize it!'. Ta-da, ladies and gentlemen you've got yourself a scandalous affair.

Someone once said, relationship is more then just that lovely feeling. Yes boys and girls, in my opinion it take more work then love to make a relationship work. More so when you frequent clubs filled with pumping testosterone all fired up and on a mission. Dont for a second think that the guy eyeing you gives a fuck if you're attached. Its your duty to think about that, not him.

Its only when one is willing to give up a quickie with that Greek God, only then are you commited to the relationship. Stop thinking about the missed chances and just put faith in what you already have. Dont think about the regrets that you might have later, if say the relationship fails. And most of all, stop living by the motto 'Life's all about fun!'. Lets see how fun it is when you're 40 and saggy and all alone, and the only boys that are willing to hang out with you are rent boys.

As for myself, i decided a long time ago to first determine what i want. If its sex with beautiful random strangers then by all means go ahead, but do it single. I dont see the point in getting into a relationship and then sleeping around with other people and creating super sized dramas. Seriously, its too much hassle.

Ok so thats my take on relationships. This post was done in 30 minutes so pls dont shoot me down too much in your comments! lol

Random Random Random

One can usually tell the transition period. Notice how my blog was full of post the last few weeks and then *poof* nothing? Well thats because i've finally completed all required assignments and my eyes were hurting so bad by the end of it that i didnt really feel like staring into the computer anymore then i needed to. Oh and i have all my notes on printed papers this time around too so i dont have to depend on my com.

And can somebody pls tell me how on earth do I ( <--- notice bold letter!) write a letter of recommendation for MYSELF!?!?!

Yes!!! You see the connection?!

Wrote to my lecturer yesterday requesting for a letter of recommendation and he replied saying he was busy and if i wanted it i'll have to draft out one for him and let him make some 'minor adjustments'! How on earth can i write my own letter of recommendation?!?! AND he'll be reading what I write about ME! Its like blowing my own horn! Damn perasan case lor!

JORRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways have to get back to work la and writing that damn PERASAN SYOK SENDIRI letter!

Oh and i have to say i love 3G *snicker*

AND I'LL FORM THE HEAD!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

I just turned 10 all over again!

Ok kev breath...steady breath...thats it

Thanks to Joery i decided to youtube Voltron and sigh....I'm 10 all over again. I mean how cool are those robot lions! I remember how i used to desperately want to be part of their crew when i was young and owned a machine of my own. My parents did buy me one out of the five parts of that robot but refused to get me the rest. So all i had was one lion that formed the left side of the leg to play with. I would shout 'Go Voltron!' and then...er...well lets just say the transformation went way faster. My robot wasnt really that kickass. After all, what can one leg do? Hmm...come to think of it, actually my robot was pretty much ALL kickass!

ZOMG BRINGS BACK MEMORIES

Another of my favourite was Silverhawk. In case you've forgotten about them (shame of you if u did! They were the best kickass cartoon then!), they're the guys always in silver with wings tucked in there somewhere. My favourite was that small copper kid that throws a disc, cant recall his name. Oh and if you listen carefully, there's one part in the song where it goes 'Silverhawk, the rainbow in the sky!' LOLOLOLOL!! Men with pure gleaming six pack, hard as steel??? Maybe the show was gay! Nvr realised i was exposed to gay influence that early :P

"Wings of silver
Nerves of steel"

Lastly is Dinoriders. Remember loving all those dinosours with kickass weapons. OMG seriously i wanna go back to those good old days sob sob! Nowadays, the only cartoon i find amusing is Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends, and thats because of the ever-so-cynical Bloo! (and yes i still watch cartoons, dun laugh!)

Nooooo....seriously, i cant explain what i'm feeling right now. Its like I'm so excited yet down. Its like a blast from the past, and the worst part is things will nvr be as they were. Only now do i realise how shitty it is to grow up. Totally understand why Peter Pan wanted to stay a kid now.

SOB SOB SOB

Ok back to studying.


Btw I tried googling the lyrics for Silverhawk and found this

"We're sorry but the artist has decided not to disclose the lyrics for this song."

WTF?!?!?!

Well dear artist, you're a sadist you know that! I hope you and ur song lyric are happy together u selfish bastard. Hmph!!!



ps: word of the day is kickass

When I Woke Up

______

"Goodbye my friend, you've taken a stroll
Down a path unknown, you've left me alone
I wake up to find you're no longer there
In dreaming you went and never looked back

You leave me disheartened, broken and down
Without you I walk aimlessly around
As bright as the sun shines, the weathers still cold
The sky is a void, a gaping black hole

But now i feel better, you're back by my side
Our journey through life, our path coincide
Tho still not fully, i know it takes time
Let happiness return when chemicals combine"

______

Clayton said my some of my post were hard to understand. Well to tell you the truth, i like to keep some things to myself. That's why i write metaphorically (or try to at least). See if you can decipher this one :P

A Horrible Monday

...for green Volvos.

At least today wasn't all that bad for me. Had a presentation that went pretty well. Still some problem with our design project tho but at least we're at the final stage. Now all there is to do is finish up 2 more reports and full steam ahead for exams.

On my way back, it started to rain...heavily...AGAIN!

Seriously, this is getting quite irritating! I mean one day of like super heavy rain is alright, maybe get into the mood of reminiscence as you drive with emo songs playing full blast on your radio. Two days ok la still can get melancholy about life and things like that. But three days is just stupid ok! Its so not fun driving at 60kph with a window of opportunity to actually see where one is going for like 5 seconds before everything goes blurry again! Grrr...

Caution : Long winded story starts here :)

Anyway, the rain finally subsided to a drizzle. I was driving at the fast lane just chilling, trying to decide if i should nap when i get back (pls dun get jealous u working people :P) when suddenly i saw this Volvo from the corner of my eye trying to cut in to the middle lane. What happened for the next erm...1 minute?? was quite surreal. I can finally say that i've witnessed an accident in the making now instead of always only seeing the end results aka STUPID TRAFFIC JAMS!

Well as i was saying, this Volvo tries to cut in to the middle lane when his car skidded and the driver lost control of the car. In slow mo Ala matrix style, the car spun round and round in a path that took him from the middle lane to the slow lane.

Now the funny/unfortunate (depends on how u look at it) thing was that there was this car driving in the slow lane, and he was probably one of those anal careful drivers that check his side mirrors, wipers, adjust rear view mirror and seat belts before starting off on a journey. Well there he was happily driving slowly, being cautious on the road because it was raining like the advert on radio told him to, when BANG! Some stupid Volvo clips his back in the midst of its impromptu roller coaster ride and sends him running straight into some bushes beside the highway.

Not feeling satisfied, the Volvo continued on with its path of destruction, like MixFM's tornado challenge, going from the slow lane to the fast lane where I WAS DRIVING! Actually took me awhile to realise it was coming my way la cos i was too engrossed watching what was happening (would have stepped out of my car to get popcorns too if there were any available :P) but thank God i did so i immediately slowed down and switched on my hazard lights. In the end the Volvo hits the divider that sends him reeling back to the slow lane and finally stops there.

Now...know why i said it was all so surreal? And its not because i was traumatized or anything like that. Its because the whole time the car was spinning and causing havoc, not a sound could be heard! I didn't hear any tyres screeching or brakes being jammed. I didnt even hear anything when the Volvo smashed into the other car! All i heard was the constant pitter-patter of the rain and the song being played on radio...as if nothing was happening. I guess somebody forgot to add THX to this movie.

Well as bad as i may sound, i was actually quite concerned the whole time but i'm pretty sure nobody got hurt. Maybe a whiplash at most from all that spinning but he deserves it la for driving so fucking fast when its raining. I pity that innocent anal careful driver tho.

When Money Matters

" I used to love taking photographs here.
What happened?
People started paying me. Took the fun out of it."

-extract from Catch and Release

Chronic Obsession

Its crazy i tell you! A song like that should be banned! Its been stuck in my head for two whole days now and i just cant get it out of my mind. When i'm at the computer i have it on loop for hours and when music is non-accessible i hum it in my head and actually crave to listen to it, so i keep switching radio channels in hopes that one of them might have it on their play list. CRAZY I TELL YOU!

Gwen Stefani - Sweet Escape

If I could escape
I would, but first of all let me say
I must apologize for acting, stinking, treating you this way
Cause I've been acting like sour milk fell on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refridgerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold

If I could escape
And re-create a place as my own world
And I could be your favorite girl
Forever, perfectly together
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?

If I could be sweet
I know I've been a real bad girl
I didn't mean for you to get hurt
Forever, we can make it better
Tell me boy, Now wouldn't that be sweet?
Sweet escape

(I wanna get away, to our sweet escape)

You let me down
I'm at my lowest boiling point
Come help me out
I need to get me out of this joint
Come on, let's bounce
Counting on you to turn me around
Instead of clowning around let's look for some common ground

So baby, times getting a little crazy
I've been getting a little lazy
Waiting for you to come save me
I can see that you're angry
By the way the you treat me
Hopefully you don't leave me
Want to take you with me

If I could escape
And re-create a place as my own world
And I could be your favorite girl
Forever, perfectly together
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?

If I could be sweet
I know I've been a real bad girl
I didn't mean for you to get hurt
Forever, we can make it better
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?
Sweet escape

Whohoe, whihoo
Whohoe, whihoo
Whohoe, whihoo
Whohoe, whihoo

If I could escape

Cause I've been acting like sour milk fell on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refridgerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold

If I could escape
And re-create a place in my own world
And I could be your favorite girl
Forever, perfectly together
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?

If I could be sweet
I know I've been a real bad girl
I didn't mean for you to get hurt
Forever, we can make it better
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?
Sweet escape

I love her to bits! Even from the time she was in No Doubt, one could clearly tell that she was a trendsetter with those outrageous costumes that she dons on. Styles that were definately unique but she was able to pull it off unlike some. Now, 15 years down the line this girl has achieved major success. A mum with a fashion line and 2 albums under her belt, Gwen looks all ready to conquer the world. How can anybody not love her?!

Oh and Sweet Escape? I think this is one hell of a song that can almost bring out the diva in me...almost. That whole platinum blond look, Harajuku Girls, sigh....shes definately got it right!

Well its off to obsessing over the song again, no time to write anymore. Exams are in 3 weeks time and in another week i'll be starting my 4 months holiday. Jealous anybody :P Dont be cos i might be working, fingers crossed.

Elated

I'm so excited but there's nobody to call :(
Everybody i wanna talk to is either asleep or not talking to me.

Lucky i still have my trusty old blog.

Anyway just a quick one so i will remember this day.

Was chatting to a certain someone when i decided to ask for his opinion on internship prospects other then engineering line when he suggested his company. Weee! Its an advertising company and I'm really excited about working there now. Wonder how's it gonna be like.

Bad side to it tho is there might not be any pay in it. Hmm....i say its worth the experience but i'm gonna have to live like a pauper even when i work! Whats this man! Poor being a student, now poor working!

Oh well...i guess one cant ask for the best of everything right?

Sweet Escape

Its been a good day, productive to say the least. Perhaps it was the appearance of a special someone. Or maybe it was the unexpected results that he got. Its been long since that feeling was last felt. A sense of pride and worth.

And then it rained. Dark clouds that blocked the sun and sent the earth into darkness, or at least part of it. The drizzle soon becomes rain, and rain became storm. Suddenly, the world starts to fade away behind a watery curtain. Buildings up ahead begins to dissolve and mountain disappears. All he can see is the speckle of lights from other lonesome travellers like him.

Its hard to explain the emotions that he's feeling. Comfortable? Safe? Relieved? Perhaps its all those or perhaps its not. All that he knows is that the rain didnt bother him. Dark as it was, he could still see the end of it. Somehow he feels there is a message somewhere, though yet to be deciphered. He drives on with the radio blaring away.

It was horrible weather. How he wished he was at home, tucked safely under his comforter with a good book to read and maybe some cookies and a tall glass of cold milk by his side. Ah to be young and free again. Somehow, stress has become a part of his life.

But yet today was different. It was the same and yet it was different. His problems were still there. Work still piled undone on his desk and books stacked high waiting to be read. But a smile carves its way across his face. It was different. And then the rain stopped, just as Gwen Stefani's 'Sweet Escape' came on.

Cravings

I crave for the illegal.

Once again my mind dwell on the colourful, to taste the forbidden fruit that comes in so many different forms and flavours. The music adds to the rush. I know i should stop, but its too late. The seed has already been planted - the thought of the apple inside.

So much left unattended, unresolved. But yet time is what i lack. It fills my mind with thoughts, yet i push them aside for what requires my immediate attention. Maybe its a mistake, who knows what time will do? But for now, only one problem at a time. I crave for relieve.

I stand here wondering, trying to see into the future. To tell of consequences, to predict results. But all is blank. Abilities lie in a world of fantasy and i'm rudely brought back to reality. But Superman is no fantasy of mine, he's real. If only i could get a touch of him now. Reality dissolves. The Hand supreme.

Resist i must. Resist i will. For the time of fantasy will come soon. But the mind must rest now.

"But I want to
Feel you touch you know you
And I want to
so I let you set me free
Into sweet misery
Sweet misery"

Tiesto - Sweet Misery

Crazy Japs

Anybody think the Japs are crazy? Watch these clips then tell me!





Seriously, have they no law against these kindda pranks?

However, throw in a really cute guy and it could actually be voyeuristic porn for some of u :P
Enjoy!

Simple Love

One thing i love about him?

All those free CD's :P


I've been trying very hard not to fall too fast or too deep into it this time. Blame it on experience but like i've said before, i approach love with much more cynicism now. Even while everything was rosy i still had my doubts - the usual questions of what ifs and is hes'. Whats more scary is the fact that he was a total stranger, no way of doing any kind of background check of what kindda guy is he. Of course i had to take extra precautions, i was entering uncharted grounds.

I do admit however, i was still caught up in the moment. Its like driving a Ferrari but asking it to do 70kph on an empty highway - its possible but highly unlikely. I guess somethings never change eh!

"Begitulah wajah cinta
tak cukup sejuta kata"

Wanted to say more but somehow i find that words cant describe anything i want to say. So i guess i'll just enjoy the ride and see where it leads us to.

Malacca

Not really in the mood for a full post so here's a brief outline of my weekend (if anybody's interested la :S)

-Went down to Malacca
-Missed Speedzone party because of Malacca :'(
-Ate lots n lots of food in half a day - wan ton mee, hei piao oh (hmm this is hokkien for erm some fishball thingy la), satay, satay celup, chow mien, oo jien (fried oyster).
-Slept the remaining half of the day
-Missed a chance to cuddle in my babys arms to sleep.
-Missed Easter Sunday service
-Got bitten by A HELL LOT OF MOSQUITOES!
-Was so freaking hot the whole day! (N my mum dragged me to walk with her up St Pauls hill sommore!)
-Saw some cute guys in Jonker Walk
-Finally got a nice cross pendent in Jonker Walk
-Saw a gay guy doing line-dancing on stage with a bunch of old ladies in glittery clothes (he was good tho)
-Saw a Kwai Lou girl crying at the foot of Bkt Cina (For u guys unfamiliar with Mlk, Bkt Cina is littered with old style cemetaries, think old chinese ghost stories :P)

Generation UnGap

Ok so lately i've been posting up alot of vid. Kindda told myself to write up a proper post for today but i stumbled across this vid that was TOO FUCKING HILARIOUS! To not post it up would be a crime. Its in Mandarin but dont worry if your a banana like me, you'll enjoy it too!



This rap was brought to you by...

LAO ZHA BOR!

And she even has a blog! Go check out her site here.

'Shi Bu Shi Jai Kai Wan Siaoo!'

Anyway, i guess this is what you really call bridging the generation gap. But somehow, its rather disturbing. I dont even wanna think about how its gonna be if i ever find out MY grandparents have a rap album coming out!

Well, all the best LAO CHAR BOR! I support you...as long as you dont ever influence my grandparents or give them crazy ideas. If you do, i'll be sueing you for emotional trauma, I SWEAR!


ps: OMFG! After listening to it for like a million time, i think i'm actually starting to like this song! Anyone else thinks its catchy? :S

Vids

I need your help guys. Found this trailer on my com which i downloaded some time ago and remembered really wanting to catch this film. Unfortunately i dont really know how to go about finding it as its in chinese and a foreign gay film. If anybody has any idea on how to get the dvd i would be eternally grateful to you. Thanks.

Eternal Summer (trailer)


Oh and i really love the music as well, if anybody knows where to get it...lol thanks

_____________________

And heres another clip. Pretty disturbing i would say, but its also a must watch. This one courtesy of Ray for introducing it to me. Enjoy!

Ernest And Bertram

A Parody

Love her voice and somehow, this song works.

Alanis Morissette 'My Hump'

A Tale Of Good And Evil

My mum is rearing snails...really.

Today i came back from uni only to be greeted on the front porch by a tupperware of snails.

Ever since i moved to my new place some time back, the garden has been the pride and joy of my mum and dad. This is not to say that they are superb gardeners with a natural green thumb, or that my garden is exceptionally pretty, but rather they have put much more effort into it this time around compared to before.

Never before have they shown this much interest in potted plants or taken so much time and effort to ensure every foliage in the house remains vibrant and more importantly, alive. Of course there has been the occasional plant murder when my dad would accidentally put too much fertiliser in one pot or viciously dig out that poor defenceless papaya tree that my mum planted (he doesn't believe in the practicality of having a fruit tree in the house :S) but all in all, i would say that they're doing quite well.

So imagine their horror one day when they found their beloved garden infested with snails. No idea where those little fellers have been hiding all this time but they sure like a grandeur appearance. It was as if a whole clan reunion was taking place right here in our garden and everywhere u turned u could see snails. Ok so i may be exaggerating a lil bit, but yeah there were quite a few la.

Without hesitation, my mum started her conquest to rid her precious retreat from these pest. She scoured the area high and low, leaving no stone unturned literally. The snails were handpicked one by one and off into a tupperware they went. When she was done, she smiled. Emerging triumphant, she could once again breath easily knowing that her lil garden was once again safe. Little did she realise of her final obstical.


'What should i do with these?' she turned to ask me.


'Kill it la! Squash them all at once. Or better yet, pour salt and see them melt!' I replied with a wicked grin.


But being the softy that she is, my mum couldnt do it. She thought it was heartless if she killed those snails, even if they did pose a threat to her garden. So in the tupperware those wretched snails remain till this day still awaiting their judgement. Uncertain about their future. And if you listen carefully at the stroke of midnight on a clear silent night, when the moon is full and the air is still, you would hear the soft mourning of those greedy snails crying

'Woe is us! Woe is us!'

The Dark Side Of Emotions

Emotions are deceiving. They come as sudden as they go and often, we have to clear up the mess that they leave behind. Of course we only have ourselves to blame for being a victim of the moment. If only we had been strong.

Falling for somebody is easy, especially in a society where many are desperate for a meaningful relationship. All we need is a little attention, some form of pampering, and we think that we're head-over-heels for somebody. What happens then when the feeling goes away? Only then do we face reality and start with the rational part. Is he really the one for me? Can i really live with this guy? Worst still, do i really love him? Or was it all just a sugar rush?

Some say that relationship takes work. Work to forge a closer bond. Work to maintain that feeling. Work to ensure that trust. But even when a person goes beyond himself to satisfy the other, it doesn't always produce the desired results. Instead, the other party might just end up feeling more pressured to remain in the relationship, and that is a recipe for disaster.

I definitely felt that pressure once. I was with the sweetest, most caring guy anybody could ever wish for, and it was alot to live up to. In the end, i was left feeling indebted to him. By then, the feeling was gone. The rainbows had hidden behind clouds and birds stopped singing the song of love. Reality started sinking in, and i couldn't see myself with him anymore. But i owed him! And that was the worst part. I would be seen as the jerk if i left him, but would be living a lie if i continued. It ended eventually, but not without a huge mess as expected. Looking back, it was the right thing to do but i still cant help tasting that sour after taste every time i think back.

And maybe love is blind. Or maybe some people just don't want to see the obvious. An idealistic man trapped in a vicious world. What will happen when his bubble burst? What happens when he realises that even with all the securities to offer, sometimes its just not enough without that attraction as well? Maybe if he understood the concept of emotion, he would see that it was all but a dream. A sweet one that will turn sour if he does not let go. Or maybe he really is oblivious to it all?

In any case, i wish him well.

An idealistic man trapped in a vicious world.

If only he knew of emotions.

Turning St8

This clip is hillarious, i just had to post it up!

It Starts With Tomorrow

A few weeks ago i went to the gym wearing my specs because i was lazy to put on my contacts. Normally i would just wear them in the gym as well. Unlike some ppl i know, i do not like the feeling of seeing phantoms everywhere i go, aka blurred faces. That day however, i was planning to do alot more cardio thanks to all those late night snacking and sinful alco so i went about without my specs.

So there i was, happily cycling away those dreaded fats, when suddenly out of the corner of my eye i spot this shirtless dude. First thought was, omg its that old uncle again!

You see, theres this uncle probably in his 40ies i guess, who likes to do his workout shirtless. Given he's fucking strong (carries those big weights) but he has a horrible gut jutting out and lets just say its really not a pleasant sight at all. On top of that, he likes doing weird things too like erm...swinging from bars and climbing over railings to get to the other side of the room instead of just walking up a mere 3 step! Reminds me of a classmate i once had, weird guy.

Anyway i thought it was that guy but i did turn my head to look again, just because i was bored and was wondering what other weird things he would do today. Well, it wasnt that uncle. It was somebody else. Somebody with a much nicer body - tall, lean and well toned. Unfortunately, half blinded as i was, i couldnt really make out much la so i didnt really bother.

Today as i was working out again, thankfully with my contacts on this time, came this dude. He was wearing a long sleeve tee and again i thought to myself why would anyone workout in a long sleeve tee? Was Malaysia not fucking hot enough? Again, didnt really bother.

Then this guy goes into the washroom and a few minutes later emerged...topless. It was then that i realise that this was the same dude i saw the last time and my mouth nearly dropped when i saw the body that he had. OMG now i know who the Greeks took as models because this guy was CHISELLED to perfection.

Not those super muscular guy that everybody hates, but the lean and toned kind that can just melt er...anything la. One could see the perfectly sculpted chest, those deep grooves of his abs, and that super sexy line that divides the shoulders from the arms. Took every ounce of willpower to just not stare. No wonder its been such a fucking hot day, he obviously was around PJ!

Well even tho i couldnt stare openly, i sure gave him loads of glances. Just admirational glances mind u, not those lustful kind because i'm loyal :P But seeing him sure gave me determination to work harder to achieve the kind of body i've always longed for...his!



Then i went to mamak.



Then i ordered Nasi Lemak Ayam.



-.-



So much for determination eh?

Its the Stress Talking

A glimpse of the past
in a picture of the present
brings a sense of urgency
for what comes in the future

There are certain things i want to write but cant - or at least not over here. Perhaps the timing is right when he gave me that book. I love it to bits! And perhaps its time i channel my thoughts somewhere more personal now. Somehow, knowing some of the people that reads my blog has inhibit me from writing more personal stuff (some la!). I guess there are certain things that i would still like to keep to myself. Its a matter of pride, unfortunately.

Anyway workload is becoming unbearable. Some due to procrastination but mostly due to my own unintelligence. UGH! Will be so glad when i finally come out to work and do things that are actually logical again. When will i ever learn!


2 MORE MONTHS TILL HOLS!

Sometimes I wonder

Ahh its pretty obvious isnt it, this blogs been abandoned for quite some time now.

*dust cobwebs away*

....

Dont know where to start so i shall just say this first,

I WANT NEED MORE MONEY!

Went shopping today, chasing brands we all could not afford, hoping to at least sniff out a good bargain but ended up greatly disappointed. The worst thing that can happen to a men is to grab hold of a fucking gorgeous pair of pants (LINEN AND OFF WHITE!) only to find its sooo not worth the price! Plus because of my *petite* size, as some would call me (grrr) some alterations have to be made that would incur an additional cost of RM35. I did not spend all that time in the gym just to pay more for clothes that are already extortionately priced!

___________________________

When my heart skips a beat
At the whisper of your voice
Is this love and all thats to it
Or a phase that just was?

Its sad when love has to be wary. Not that i worry alot about what he's doing or am untrusting, its just sometimes there will be a nagging thought or a flicker of doubt that passes by and i dont like that. I guess in a way, i have learned from past mistakes and experiences. Kindda surprised me alittle at some of the things i actually paused to consider before bouncing in head first like i usually do.

A Weird Post

In the end, all that griping worked. I guess someone does hear our wails after all, or maybe it was just really good timing...or maybe just desperation.

But i'm happy

I'm glad i went last Saturday

:)

Crappy Monday

Today has got to be the crappiest start to the week i've ever had in a long time.

Barely had enough sleep, woke up twice scratching. Had to drag myself to the toilet to splash water on the itch just so i dont scratch my legs off. I have to say its getting better now but i still find myself waking up scratching every so often.

Anyway, that made me extra tired but i had to wake up extra early to visit the blardy gas station. Next was the jam at Federal at the Jln 222 part which was short, so ok i thought i'd make it on time. But NoooOoOo it had to be jam from amcorp all the way to Midvalley too. To top it off, one of my lab parter claims to have fallen 'ill' and thus asking me to go collect the toolbox from his house.

Upon reaching there i find an unusual crawl exiting from his housing area because some fool parked his stupid fucking car by the road just before the exit, causing the left lane to have to wait with the guys in the right lane at a trafic light (left lane does not need to wait for the lights). Well after passing through that obstical finally, i was then confronted with idotic lorry drivers. Of course you'd have to expect it! I mean no crappy day is complete without fucking stupid lorry drivers who insist on crossing the road no matter if theres car on the other side or not and blocking the whole fucking road!

ROARRRRRRRRRRR

So to destress, i decided to go out for a movie at night. Was supposed to stay back to do some reading but i think a crappy day deserves a night out at least. Watched Bridge to Terabithia. I loved that show. Might be alittle slow for some but i just found that whole show to be really sweet. Reminds me of childhood innocence. Wont say anything more to spoil it for u guys yet to catch it.

Oh and while leaving the cinema, i had to reverse into a fucking pole which was so short it was out of view. Now theres a gaping hole in my back bumper. Such a great way to end a crappy day.

Terbaik Untukmu

It was an eventful weekend to say the least.

The plan was to go Aloha on Friday, be there by 12 (at least) and then leave by 1 something.

When will we ever learn that the impossible nvr happens.

We arrived at 12.30

We left when the lights came on.

And we weren't even in Aloha, we ended up in Passion...AGAIN.

But i have to say that it was a superb night. From the moment we stepped into the club until we left, the DJ played a fucking fantastic set that had everybody up n shaking their booty, grooving to the hard thumping sound of techno mix. Its official, I'm a club whore.

Then there was gossip.

Then there was drama (alil bit).

Some mamak.

And now its back to being single versus being in a relationship all over again.

Call it biological clock or whatever, but I'm finding myself wanting a relationship once again. I'm looking around and seeing couples doing things i once did, and suddenly the strings of loneliness starts strumming a mournful song. And yet I'm hesitant if I'll be able to commit to one. But more importantly, I've yet to find The One to start anything with, even if i wanted to!

I guess its no point really to lament on the pros and cons of a relationship if opportunity isn't even knocking at your door, but its always better to be prepared then to be caught unaware no? Not that I'm on the prowl now, because i always believe in love finding their way to the right hearts, but at the rate I'm knowing people i might as well just start taking knitting lessons now and start preparing for a lifetime of lonely celibacy! :(

Oh and since i'm lamenting, might as well just say this too...I HATE YOU MONDAYS!

Ok i have to sleep now, but i'll leave you with this sweet song (thanks Ray).

Tangga
Terbaik Untukmu

Aku sadar kalau kini
Kita sudah smakin menjauh
Sempat aku berpikir ini
Kau yg menginginkannya
Lepas dari pelukku

oh kini aku sadari
ini salahku
tak ingin ku terlambat dan sesali

reff: maafkanlah bila ku selalu
membuatmu marah dan benci padaku
ku lakukan itu semua
hanya tuk buatmu bahagia

mungkin ku cuma tak bisa pahami
bagaimana cara tunjukkan maksudku
aku cuma ingin jadi terbaik untukmu

Aku ingin kau tetap di sini bersamaku
Jangan Pergi
Berikan satu kesempatan
Untuk ku membuktikan
sesungguhnya cintaku

There are some people that i'll always love, no matter what. Though the nature of this love may change, the fact is i'll always care.

Itchy Itchy Scratch

OMG SOMETHINGS WRONG WITH ME!

I've been having this itch on my legs for days now and its still not going away. I find myself waking up at night just to scratch and not only is it disturbing my sleep, its also leaving me with SCARS! Now i look like somebody who'd just finished a game of rugby.

Been trying to eliminate all source of itch, starting from changing the bedsheets, to moping the floor, to sending all worn clothes to be washed, to bathing really, really, and i mean really clean and still the itch prevails! If this last any longer i think i might go insane and start scratching myself to death. Come to think about it, i think i've read a horror story once where someone used dark magic to make another person scratch himself to death. Hmmm......

Lights.Camera.Action.

Rejoice people for a superstar is born.

No longer am i just a mere mortal anymore, I now live on a higher level!

I have been encapsulated in a movie and shall now be remembered for the splendid performance i gave.

Generations will worship me!

Children will adore me!

The Oscar will idolize me!


OK i'm just joking.

So i finally got a taste of how life through the lens was like. Played a very small part in a local production as one of those faces in the multitudes you see on screen but nvr bother about (aka kalefare in canton) and it took damn fucking long just to please the director. Man not worth the money we were paid. Thank god i wasnt there alone or i would have just walked out halfway.

Reached the set about 7 plus. I have to admit i was quite excited as this was the first time i've ever seen a movie being shot up close and personal. You wont believe how much a little bit of lighting and playing around with the camera angle can create a beautiful backdrop when in actual fact its just being shot in some old uninteresting building. Such trickery!

Anyway we were made to sit there for ages after we arrived. Didnt even know if we would be accepted because i had mistaken a shirt for a tee. So there we were, wait, wait, wait, when finally they told us they had dinner provided for us and we would be briefed after eating. Huh? Nobody mentioned dinner, and me, ad and mich had KFC at KLCC!

Well they did brief us after dinner, and then the acting started. To cut a long story short, i've nvr shouted 'Merdeka' so many times in my entire life as i did in that one night. Neither has the phrase 'Hidup Tunku', 'Hidup UMNO', and 'Hidup MCA' been uttered from my mouth ever, and yet i think i said it enough to last me a lifetime and many more. Oh and the bitch (ok she was a nice lady actually) combed my hair like shit and really made me look like an AH PEK! Good god how on earth can i show my face now! I hope nobody ever recognises me, if they ever go watch that show in the first place la.

What was expected to be a 6 hour stint dragged on and on and on and finally, at BLARDY 3.30, they finally wrapped it up. OMG 80 bucks for eight n half hour is so not worth my time! I guess you cant put a price on experience, but i swore to myself that nvr again was i going for something like this (unless something interesting comes along la :P). So i guess i can finally strike of acting as a profession now.

Its time to move on.

Next stop, daredevil!

Lazy Day

After much argument discussion about which one is better, working life or studying life, I've come to the conclusion that indeed, studying is much better. I mean how many working people can claim a self-declared holiday from 3 hours of classes as i have done today?

Its great to be able to just lazy about at home, waking up to the periodic swishing sound of the fan and the sporadic passing of cars outside your window while still comfortably tucked under your soft duvet. Even though the holidays have just passed, its been more exhausting rather then recuperating for me. Countless numbers of late nights and drinking sessions, waking up after that in time for visiting, not to mention a grueling full day of lab and class yesterday has left me drained. Not my ideal way to start off classes but much needed.

Believe it or not but I've barely even had the time to log onto the Internet, much less surf the usual blogs/sites i normally visit, or catching up with my reading (be it studies or leisure). Fear not tho cos things are starting to get back to normal, and once more i can start having a semblance of an orderly life again.

Just to make sure there's no confusion about my previous post, no I'm not seeing anyone currently and that last paragraph was not written with anyone in mind. Its just one of my fears WHEN i do meet that someone that i like that's all.

I think the most hurtful thing a person can go through is rejection. Sometimes when i think about it, it really sucks to like a person (and i do mean LIKE and not just fall for him cos he's cute or superficial things like that) and not have those feelings returned, no matter how hard you try or what you do, there's no way of getting that person to feel for you like you do for him. A feeling of hopelessness, and all you can do is sit back and just pray one day that he'll return your love. I've had those moments, not very deep or serious, but still the hurt i felt. Imagine a full blown love attack!

Probably one of the reasons why i want to be perfect, so i wont ever face rejection.

Stupid idealism :)

Monday Blues

Nothing much to say except that it was one hell of a week.

One week of non stop drinking

One week of non stop gambling

One week of non stop eating

One week of non stop visiting

In a way i'm glad its finally over, but i'm missing the fun already. Have a feeling its gonna be so hard adjusting back to reality again.


Recap CNY 2007
-someone makes cocktails
-someone was being a bitch
-more people found out about me
-more people accepted me
-won RM200
-drank every single fucking day! (UGH)
-camwhored with my new cam


I find that funny things run through my mind alot (not literally la of course) but too tired/lazy to write them down now. How does one 'dont think so much'?

___________________________

Sometimes i feel insecure around people that i like. Its like my flaws are amplified around them, and i'm the kind of guy who wants to be perfect for that special someone because well, i think they deserve it. In a way it puts a strain on the relationship and sometimes its best to just be yourself and see if that person can just accept you for the guy that you are.

Quickie

I'm cheerful today, and its of no particular reason. Was just finishing my jog and cooling down, walking round the neighbourhood with my ipod in hand when suddenly i just felt uplifted. Been trying to find a word that best describe that feeling but somehow i can't.

I like moments like this :)

Happy CNY

To all the people who've msged me in the past but have yet to receive a reply, i apologise for my tardiness. God needs to give me a bigger brain and more seconds in an hour, hours in a day, and day in a week.

Will be going down to Malacca tomorrow at blardy 7 in the morning and i'm still awake and have yet to pack my things up. Just wanna wish those that take the time to check this blog out a very Happy and Prosperous (very important!) Chinese New Year.

Enjoy ur holiday

Anybody up for clubbing next Saturday give me a shoutout!

A Little Upgrade

'There'll be sad songs to make you cry'

Particularly true for me as i have a mild obsession of listening to sad, sappy songs whenever i'm doing my work or just sitting in front of the computer mindlessly wondering around cyberspace, and i fear that its becoming something chronic. After all how many Sad Songs 1, Sad Songs 2 , Slow Songs 1, and so on so forth can one have in their playlist?

Now however, i fear that my condition is going to deteriorate further given the fact that i will be able to start 'emoing' as well even in my car thanks to my kindda new CD player. Yes ladies and gentleman, this big boy finally gets to listen to proper selection of music from now on and not be subjected to the tortures of radio (though entertaining at times la i must admit!) anymore.

Cant imagine saying this but, i cant wait to drive to uni tomorrow!

My Heart Goes Sha-La-La / Kenangan Terindah

Blardy blogspot finally forced me into switching over to the new version! Dont quite have the time to browse through it yet so i'm still impartial about it. Lets just hope they've not changed too many things, i'll hate to have to start figuring things out again.

____________________________

Although just completing a 5 hour karaoke marathon stint last saturday, i'm afraid that session only fueled my obsession all the more! Who wanna teman me sing?!

Caution: Might be subjected to torture.

____________________________

So the sad news is that Muse tickets are all SOLD OUT! Come on people its only 2 weeks before the concert, whats the rush! Where on earth is that Malaysian spirit of procrastination?! Sad and dejected, me and my friend now contemplate on bringing chairs and sitting outside the stadium as they perform. Pretty sure that the experience wont be quite as electrifying as being inside that place tho. Unless of course any of you kind souls have extra tickets and wanna sell it to me :)

____________________________

Samsons - Kenangan Terindah


aku yang lemah tanpamu
aku yang rentan karena
cinta yang hilang darimu
yang mampu menyanjungku

selama mata terbuka
sampai jantung tak berdetak
selama itu pun aku
mampu tuk mengenangmu

darimu….
kutemukan hidupku
bagiku…..
kaulah cinta sejati…

bila yang tertulis untukku
adalah yang terbaik untukmu
kan kujadikan kau kenangan
yang terindah dalam hidupku

namun takkan mudah bagiku
meninggalkan jejak hidupku
yang tlah terukir abadi
sebagai kenangan yang terindah

Just a song that has been playing on loop for awhile now. I guess its best to leave the past as that and just hold on to the memories. Dont think he'll ever know how much i ache inside everyday thinking, holding back the tears whenever i recall of what we shared. But its best to leave it as it is, the past. I have my reasons for doing what i'm doing and i dont think anybody will ever understand.

He finally took me off the list.

Namun takkan mudah bagiku
Kenangan terindah

Of Rubbish, Fantasy And Gym

So there i was driving to uni when suddenly something caught my eye in the rear view mirror - black bags were falling off this rubbish truck behind my car. As those bags fell, they burst upon impact and suddenly its raining rubbish. I would have been so damn pissed if i was the one behind that truck. Thank God i was in front, so i was just amused :P

________________________

Once upon a time someone drew me a fantasy,
Of a place far away where we would call our own.
Where coming home meant hugs and cuddles and kisses,
And bedtime meant listening to the rhythm of him gentle breathing.
Dinner spent with each other on the sofa with astro,
And mornings spent fighting for the use of the toilet mirror.
Weekends spent shopping for furnitures in Ikea,
Then returning back to the comfort of our very own home.
Now though that someone is long gone,
The fantasy somehow still lingers on.

__________________________

Today i shall mourn, for my trial period with California Fitness expires. Goodbye hunky working guys and six pack abs. I shall remember you, wonderful crunch machine and super 'i really want one too' glider. Ok so i only went for like 4 times but it was enough to get me hooked. Oh and theres something about all those men coming in their working attire that just makes my heart race and melt all at the same time. I've always had a thing for older guys and i guess its confirmed now.

Too bad i'm still a poor student (damnit!) or i think i would have joined ages ago. Had to resist the urge to just swipe my card and commit to 99 bucks a month for 12 months. My mum would surely go ballistic if i did.

I was telling ad that maybe i should practice my poker skill. Winning RM99 every month was possible, no? He told me to just go find a sugar daddy.

-.-

Random Thoughts

Somethings wrong! Seems like everybody is getting into the poker fever now...or maybe its just my friends.

Seriously, everwhere i turn my head, all i hear is poker night. Maybe Desperate Housewives is making a bigger impact on Malaysia then expected.

And then i start hearing of poker sessions where people actually win/lose up to 200-300 bucks! I dont mind the winning part, but to lose RM200 on poker??? Think i'll probably end up on the floor with foam coming out of my mouth.

Of course most of them are already working but i constantly hear them complain about being broke and being paid peanuts. I think its all just a scam to scare poor students like me from wanting to graduate and taking a bite out of their apple! Hmph!

______________________

Been going out with some ex-uni mates recently and theres this guy that really catches my interest, and no i dont mean that in a sexual way. Its just the maturity that he exudes facinates me along with a few other characteristics that i really like as well. Coupled with the fact that he's rich and i think we've got ourselves ladies and gentlemen, the perfect bachelor! However its not all sugar and spice with this guy as i listen to him talk about life working for the dad and how he has to entertain his clients. Dont think i'll like any job with that aspect and certainly praying hard i wont ever have to be in one.

______________________

Into the second week of uni now and i'm already stressed and worried. I've built up so much expectation out of myself this time that i'm constantly worried i wont meet my target and its really killing me inside. This week alone i barely had 7 hours sleep everyday (and i really need my beauty sleep) because of all the stupid random thoughts that keep swirling about in my mind, damnit!

_______________________

Well i guess thats all for me now folks i'm to lazy and tired to type anymore lol.

Too Drunk To Type, Somebody Stop Me!

Forgive me for i am quite drunk. Its been so long since i had so much to drink. OMG i really think i'm getting too old to club :S

Anyway, i swear, i will nvr go to zouk for Mambo Jumbo night ever again. Music????? Its horrible! Nvr in my life have i danced to such horrendious music! Never again

Why does my hair take so damn long to dry?! I really want my bed...sob sob....

Sry guys for such a post but its 5am and i really dont know what else to do while waiting for my blardy hair to dry, so allow me this one time to talk cock!

..........

..........

Ok my hairs dry now, goodnight folks and happy holidays! Enjoy your hols!

Night

The Coming And Going Of Muse

Wow, i cant believe how fast i got here finally. After countless days of sitting idly, fingers tapping impatiently, i'm finally able to start writing a post within minutes of logging in. TMnet, i'm impressed. Now if you can only reconnect my torrents back on, i'll be eternally grateful...until the next time u fuck up :P

Anyway, so long has passed that i dont quite know what to write anymore. There have been numerous post since my last entry starting off with 'I've lost my muse' only to remain that way for about 5 minutes before i give up and log off again.

Somehow, i've lost the feel to write since the holidays started, if you get what i mean. To me, writing is not just about letting people know whats been happening to me, or putting pen to paper (metaphorically speaking obviously) about random thoughts, or even finding an outlet to rant, but rather more of an emotional thing. The words have to flow out in a strange kind of rhythm and rhyme before i can really write about anything at all. If i dont get the flow, i wont write, no matter how much i have to say or how badly i want to tell something.

So guys the next time you find no updates in this blog, just remember that its my muse going on holiday and has nothing whatsoever to do with me being lazy...really.

Anyway i guess this one update would be of significance because i finally had my first bloggers meet! *WooHoo* Have to admit tho, and it was pretty obvious as everybody was saying it, that i was pretty quiet. To be honest, i dont think i do well in big groups :) Especially to a whole bunch of strangers and first meets, dont expect me to be the chatty one in the group lol I fare much better 1v1 i think. But it was fun, getting to meet the faces behind some of the blogs that i read.

Oh and i'm quite psyched about Muse coming down as well. Cant believe that finally a band worth listening to is going to play in Malaysia. I think i'm going to get the RM 150 tickets although i can already feel it burning a hole in my pocket...oh wait, make that my whole pants! Lucky my dad got me a new camera to take beautiful pictures of Matthew Bellamy.


Mmmm.......


Ops sry got carried away. Anyway this back-to-school boy has to get his sleep now (and dream about Muse doing dirty things to him).

Goodnight folks!

-ZZZ-

Domino

"Heads you live,
Tails you die"

Finally, after one and a half weeks of holidays, i managed to squeaze in a movie! I've got lots overdue in my house, all loaned from friends whom have all but given up asking if i'm done with their dvds yet. So its one down, nine more to go...seriously! If the first one took a year to be seen, i wonder how long more before i'll be done with the rest.

So now that you know how long those dvds have been resting in my house, pardon the late discussion about the show DOMINO. This one i actually bought a few months back because i remember reading a review about it and it sounded interesting. My mistake, it wasnt interesting...it was awesome! I love the kick-ass version of Keira and that sultry eyes of hers! One look at those eyes can just melt my heart. Maybe i'm straight after all...lol.

Anyway, did a quick google on the real Domino only to find out that the whole money heist thing didnt really happened. Instead, according to wikipedia, she was a drug addict constantly high on drugs. Whats really brilliant is that, given this fact, it still doesnt really discredits the whole movie. I mean that whole episode really could have been what she thought she was going through during any of her euphoric states and its debatable. However, all does not go well for the real Domino though as she died from an OD. Wikipedia doesnt say anything about the little girl though so i dont quite know if that part was real or fiction and its too late to do any sort of fact finding.

Oh and Edgar Ramirez!!! What oh what can i say about him except he was so damn sexy! And that part where he stripped down to his briefs (and skimpy too :P) doing laundry, i had to hold a bucket under my head from all that drool! And contrary to what they all said, I totally found his spanish thing cute. Dont fret Ramirez, come talk spanish to me anytime you want! I swear we'll do a fucking lot more then just talk :P Makes me wanna go to Spain!

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I really need a longer holidays! i think i've only completed like 4/9 of my to do list, which is really bad. I've only had the chance to take an afternoon nap like one day so far and i really want to nap more before i dont have the chance to *sob sob! Plus i need to loan a four-wheel drive lol Anybody out there has one and is willing to loan it to me for a day? I will be eternally grateful! LOL

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Just checked my mail and found that Kmart spammed my mail asking if i was interested in joining some kind of health competition just because i wrote a post on going to the gym! Anybody else getting spam emails due to their blogs? Tell me i wanna know :)

Dont Know Of A Title

Ok so i think i might have scared a few people into thinking i've grown into this brooding, moody psycho maniac on the verge of killing somebody or facing a break down - far from it actually.

I've actually been pretty busy this holiday seeing its really too short a period so that kindda explains for the lack of post. Instead of being constantly online talking to people through a liquid filled glass, i decided to meet then in person and have decent conversations that dont involve 'lols'. Some of them i've been meaning to meet but not have the chance to in ages due to time conflict so its nice catching up again. Funny how people always drift apart in due time, tho i'm glad to say there werent any of those awkward moments of silence. Oh and poker is so addictive :P

Bought a leather belt today which i absolutely love. Was kind of a last minute thing as i stumbled across that new shop and just couldnt resist going in. Took a blardy long time to choose since i actually wanted to just buy every single belt they had. Too bad my wallet would never be able to withstand the heat and my card would probably melt from the amount being charged, so i had to settle for just one.

Well thats all for today, i've got to get up early tomorrow to paint my gate. So guys, seriously dont take everything in this blog too seriously. My life dont revolve around the things being said in this blog. Some of them are in fact the lowest in my priorities but i just love to rant sometimes.

Yet Another Angry Post

Is it just me, or is the internet still as slow as ever? Call it paranoia but I think that streamyx is just taking advantage of what happened in Taiwan to provide me with a crappy connection. Its so stupidly slow i don’t even feel like going online anymore. Probably one of the reasons for the lack of post. I just don’t have the patience.

So now that i AM here, what do i blog about? I could talk about how I’ve been spending my hols and the things I’ve been doing but really, who the hell cares what’s going on with my life currently! If I were at least semi-famous, some of you would probably give a shit about my life. I could talk about all the wild parties I’ve attended, or all those cute guys I’ve slept with, who's gay and who's not (celebrities I mean, who cares about us normal earthlings?!) Unfortunately, I’m just a regular guy doing regular things so get ready for ordinary things. Oh and angry things too because of late, my emotions have been in turbulence.

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I hate drama, and yet I’m the cause of drama. I hate people who pretend they’re fine but aren’t really fine. I hate insidious remarks and the people who make them. I hate being kept in limbo. Yes I hate a lot of things, and most of all, I never thought I’d have to face them in my life, and certainly not from people whom I’ve cared for before.

Right now, like I’ve said, fuck it. I don’t really care if I ever talk to some people ever again. I didn’t need them when they weren’t in my life and I certainly don’t need them now. Oh and I also hate people who think they know it all just because they’ve gone through it all.

I have given it a lot of thought about whether I should post a post like this and risk losing some people permanently. Well its obvious what my decision is. And Chien, really I’m fine. In fact I was feeling great a few moments ago, but this has been on my chest and I’m really starting to get annoyed that its affecting me for so long and keeps coming back in my quiet hours. Worse part is I’m not supposed to be the one hurting, or so everybody keeps on thinking. So its best to just let it all out and seriously, I feel much better now.

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So with that out of the way, I guess its not too late for a fresh start…yet again! But whats life without changes right? Maybe this time I’ll get it right.

Now, who wants to date me? lol

FUCK IT

Seriously, fuck it! I dont give two shits anymore how ppl view me or which side of good or evil i'm on. From now on its all about me and no one else. Go moan about it all you want, just dont drag me in that mud of yours anymore.

Fuck it!

Whoever invented this word is a brilliant genius!

Is This?

Goodbye
by Air Supply


I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have much more
I can feel your heart and I simpathize
And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life


I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong


You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye


You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure i'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me


I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong


You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye


You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye

Open The Cage Doors!

Only one more day before my last exam but I'm already planning out my holidays. How bad is that!

The list so far:
1) Fishing with my best bud!
2) Karaoke! (I shall sing my sorrows away!)
3) Exercise. (I binged so much on junk this time!)
4) Shopping. (I'm a failure as a gay. This should be top of the list i know...lol)
5) Go Genting. (I need a change of scenery)
6) Read! (I have 2 books on hold so far - The Time Travelers Wife and Angels and Demons)
7) Club. (DANCE, DANCE, DANCE - need i say more?)
8) Paint my room. (Makeover needed)
9) Paint the house grill? (Have to contribute to the family - i can already see my mum sourcing for a new son, probably one that will give her a wedding to attend and involves a bride in it too!)
10) Open for suggestion!


Anyway, just a quick update.

Exams have been hell. Can barely find the will to concentrate on whatever topics i need to be working on, ie like now! Certain issues at hand which I'm not too proud off keeps nagging at the back of my mind. I cant decide on what i want right now in my life and its killing me! Plus i keep hurting the ones that matter to me - if theres one thing i aim to accomplish in 2007, that would have to be to sort out my priorities and stick to my decisions. I'm too fickle for my own good. Being the occasional moron doesnt help too!

Basically, the past yr has seen me grow in terms of accepting my sexuality. Got into a relationship, got out of a relationship, got to know many new people (some of whom i'm afraid i left a pretty bad impression with). But i guess i've yet to find a group of like-minded friends out there that i really feel comfortable with. Just realised its not easy for me to just accept anyone into my life. Friends are alright, but to nurture that special bond...thats a different story.

On the lighter side of things, Mich is coming back to Malaysia! Woohooo!! Welcome back girl, although i know u're already missing all that sex...lol! Dont worry bout it, we'll just have to make many, many, many trips to places that do encourage crazy random sex with beautiful strangers ie Thailand. Of course i'll be leaching off u alot since you'll be working and i'm just a poor, poor student *sniff sniff* :P Oh not to forget mahjong sessions! How we've missed ur tiles.

OK i think i'm getting ahead of myself now. I can almost taste the sweet dew of freedom and thats bad! Back to the books.

Heres to wishing all you folks a great week ahead.

False Happiness

Sometimes when I sit outside my balcony for a smoke, I see a little beetle buzzing against the glass panel of the door trying to get into the room. Is it the light from inside that attracts this little insect to it? Does it think that daytime is happening there while it remains trapped in the region of night? Even so, doesn’t it know that what it seeks for is only an illusion of the real thing?

It made me wonder, how many of us are like this little beetle? How many of us actually seek for an illusion that isn't real? A fantasy we strive so hard to achieve, telling ourselves over and over again that if we only had it, our lives would be fulfilled. Could be in areas of relationships, jobs or even family and friends. The scary thing is we wont know if it's going to be just an illusion, or if it is the real deal until we finally get it.

Like the beetle, we persistently and continually plow through all obstacle, trying to achieve our goals. What happens when we finally do succeed? We find ourselves stuck in a room with false light. Suddenly we realize that although things may look alike, its not really what we were looking for.

Unfortunately, not many are lucky enough to find their way out again from that false light. We end up circling the room, trapped in a maze of confusion. Worst still is that some may continually live in the lie, convincing themselves that this is really what they want. I guess one could say that we make do with the best. Its sad to know that we compromise on happiness.

But as i sit here watching, I realize something else. Although the beetle may try to enter this room now, it will also try to get out once dawn approaches and it realizes that its on the wrong side. With that same gritty determination, I know this little beetle will continually buzz at the door, trying to find a way to get out until it succeeds when morning comes. And when it finally does, life doesn’t miraculously become better. It still faces the daily dangers that nature throws at it, but at least its now on the right side of its world.

"Life is a constant struggle
but we fight each day to make it better"

I guess it doesnt matter if we get lost along the way sometimes, what matters is we do not give up but fight to find the way again.



*Edit

After such inspiration drawn from that little beetle, i'm dissapointed to say that the little guy failed me. Going out for a second smoke, I see it's carcass protruding rudely from the mouth of a lizard. That cheeky bugger (the lizard i mean) even had the nerve to let out a little chuckle! Greedy bastard!

Exponentially Going Down

Sometimes its just too much.

With less then a day before exams, i already feel like i've lost. The overwhelming feeling of regret, guilt, dissapointment, anger and hopelessness is all making this too much to cope.

Tired of it all.

Tired of myself.

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Stuck here in my hole
a well i dug myself
a single lamp shines bright
the famous midnight light

To stare at figures and numbers
to comprehend such losses
to understand those switches
the pressure really amasses

I really wish to throw it all away
to think of better days ahead
to dream of sunlit beaches
and sandy shores,
of ice cold beers
where laughter roars.

Digi rocksors

Was driving back from uni just now when i heard the new Digi advertisement on radio. It was hilarious! People around me must have thought i was crazy, cos i was laughing really loud. But seriously, you have to admit that the ad really is good, not to mention creative as hell.

I need more ads like these to put a smile on me the next time i get into a jam!

Even the ones on tv were kindda nice. Whoever came up with the idea of always with you is brilliant.


.......


Ok back to being on hiatus

On Hiatus

Stressed + Lazy + Slow connection = No post

See you guys in 2 weeks time!


Oh and Happy New Year